A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone,I am a 23year old male, recently engaged after dating my gf for 6 years. I would describe our relationship as almost perfect. I love her very much and i know that she loves me too...For the first 2 years we had sex every week, sometimes more... However, for the last 4 years our sex life has dwindled down to almost nothing. For the last year we've probably had sex 4 times.I sometimes talk to her about it, and she says that she wishes that we made love more often as well, but she says we're too busy as we both work full time and both have a lot on.She often used my weekend job as an excuse, as i worked every weekend, late nights. Admittedly, i was working every friday and saturday night. I quit this job about 3 months ago, and i thought that this would surely improve our situation, however since then, we've made love once, it was the night after we got engaged.I suggest sex at every opportunity that i get, without sounding pathetic/begging. (I also think that weekends are not the only time people have sex). Usually she says "maybe later", but i end up going to bed alone because she prefers to surf the internet, or watch tv, or something... I masturbate once a week or so, but really, i feel pretty stupid. I'm more interested in sex because we love each other, not because i want to "get off".Having said that, if we never had sex again, i would still love her and want to be with her. After all, i love her for who she is. But i do sometimes feel lonely and that passion has gone between us all together.I hope you can offer some advice...
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (20 September 2007):
 You have to schedule time for yourselves. Granted you both work full time, but you're not wanting to marry your job. I recently counseled a couple who had the same difficulty you have. Work and 6 years without a day without at least one child staying at the house. I asked them to do this. For one week, I wanted both of them to write down every activity they do, work, meals, leisure, breaks etc. If they went to the restroom for 2.5 minutes, I wanted it documented.After reviewing what they had, we found they had much more free time than they thought they had. We don't work 24 hours a day, what happens is we get into a routine of work, home, STRESS. We stress too much, if we're not working, we stress about working, or what's going on at home, or planning a child's birthday party etc.Find out what time you both have available. It may take a bit of messing with your schedule, then pencil yourselves in, as you would a business appointment, at least an hour or two. Maybe one evening (instead of sex) you schedule a movie or dinner. At least you're spending time with each other. I did this with this couple. She called me in July and told me how much of a difference 2 hours a week has made to improve their relationship. They get the kids to her moms, no bills, no phone calls, no computer, just each other.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hi Hun,
The way you asked your question tells me your a very loving and caring partner who is very much inlove, Sweetheart you have to sit down with each other and speak as you have spoken today..
Everybody needs that closeness and she is very lucky to have someone as understanding as you are, Sometimes we get so engrossed in our day to day lives that we forget what is most important, Im not saying sex is the most important part of a relationship but the closeness of holding each other and making love to the one you love is what I feel keeps the bond together...
Have you tryed supprising her with candles and soft music incense and a lovely massage evening....No t.v no computor just you two, The t.v and computor will always be there and can easily be replaced....
Talk with her about how important it is to you that you have this time together, You could make a different day special just for the both of you, She may then see what she is missing out on and the romance will come back into both of your lives... I hope this helps love TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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