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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello DearCupid users!First of all, i'd like to thank anyone who offers advice. I thought a little bit of anonymous help would help me reach a sensible conclusion to the "problem". A little about myself, I'm 18, male, and happy in life. My personality is somewhat arrogant and over confident, though I'm always jokey about it. Not that jokey's a word, but I hope you know what I mean. I have a wonderful girlfriend, who has been a friend for the last two years, and we've been going out for about 5 months now. The "problem" is quite hard to describe well, as I don't necessairy feel it is a problem at the moment, I just feel like it will be later.She is a virgin, and so am I, though I'm a lot more experienced, i've had a few other girlfriends and have done practically everything other than sex. Although i'm a teenage male, I still hold very traditional values on sex; I want my first time to be with the girl I love, so when the opportunities have arrised i've either tired the girl out, or pretend to fall asleep. Mostly the second one. Anyway, sex isn't really the "problem", my girlfriend knows my views and she shares very similar ones (though replace "..girl i love" with boy obviously), she had literally no experience before me though, and hasn't really had a handfull of boyfriends, which isn't to say she hasn't had the chance, as she is amazing, though just choose not too. - The "problem" seems to be intimacy. At the beginning of the relationship, we had quite a lot of time to ourselves, and really enjoyed each others company if you can understand me when i'm trying to be subtle. We had an active sex life (though without the sex) and although I was never the one to suggest anything, if anything I did wasn't apprioate or anything. Everything was peechy.That all seemed to stop about 2 months ago. Although we still cuddle and kiss each other, nothing else ever seems to happen. Ever. I have a strong feeling that it has something to do with her job - a long story short, the hours are long, the pay isn't exactly the most desirable (homeless people probably earn more) and it's very stressful. At first we barely got to see each other, though this has changed now; we see each other on a regular basis which i'm very happy about. However, we barely have anytime to "ourselves" and when we do, which is very rarely, she never initiates anything. Very recently, I told her I love her. Which is true, for the first time in my life I actually feel like I love someone. And she says she loves me too. Though I didn't actually mean to say it, she says that we both weren't expecting it, but it doesn't scare her. Though the display of feelings, nothing really came from it. No pun intended. Not that I was expecting it too, it's just - I really don't know what to do. I've tried to bring it up (as in, the intimacy issue), but only in a joke way - for example, "Why don't you kiss me anymore, you must hate me!!" I don't want to seem like a monster who's demanding a physical side of the relationship, but at the same time intimacy is a part of any relationship. I understand if it's due to work pressures or the fact we don't have much "us" time, but then again I don't know this for sure - it could be that she just doesn't want to be intimate with me, though I feel that's just paranoia as like i said, we used to be, just not anymore.So Dear Cupid-ers, thank you for reading all of this. I'm just asking for some advice to what I should do; I love this girl, and she has become one of my bestfriends, I don't want to do or say anything that will or even has the potential to hurt her, I'm not even sure if it is a "problem", if its just something that will all blow over (again, no pun intended) and fix itself or not.Thanks for readingMr A, Nonymous.
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female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 Well like confusedinkent said you two should talk it over like adults. Initiate kissing and if she backs off ask her whats wrong. She may be afraid that things are getting too serious and shes not ready for it to be too serious. Or I'm just getting this from your letter you seem to 'walk on eggshells' a bit too much. Don't be afraid of the words coming out of your mouth... Maybe she needs someone with a little initiative. Ask her what she feels and what she'd be more comfortable with and hopefully if she can be open and honest you can make those things happen.
Good Luck Hope it all works out
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): Its quite hard to see what the prolems is exactly, but if you have any concerns why dont you just talk about them like adults?. if you dont want to hurt her then just think about what your gonna say to her before hand then just do it.
Its sounds to me as if your very insecure and your not quite sure whats going on in this relationship, please talk to your girlfriend about this you dont want to be one of those guys who doesnt talk things through, WOMEN HATE THAT IN MEN!!!!
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