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female
,
anonymous
writes: Ive been flirting with a guy from my local post office we will call him Jon say. I have flirted with him 4 2 years now so i finally plucked up the courage and asked him out on a date. He accepted, we went on a date and we came home together.Things escalated and we had sex. I didnt enjoy the experience 2 b totally honest but I didnt get 100% into it. After he left I held back contact 4 a while as he works locally and I didnt want 2 create an uncomfortable air in his workplace and also remembering this is my local amenity Plucked up the courage again and asked him to join me 4 a cup of tea in a cafe, he once again accepted. I dont feel I was given the cold shoulder but I do feel that something is holding him back. When I asked him what he thought of me he replied that he could not answer at this moment in time as the current situation had changed. What does this mean? I told him that I had deleted his no by accident (lie) and he offered it 2 me again but i didnt take it. What should I do know as I cant get him outta my mind? I will not accept closure until he verbally tells mehe does not want 2 be with me. I would appreciate a males point of view on this aswell as a females. Thanx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok in reply to ALL ur question im 29 so's he i told him my little girl deleted his number from my fome while playing with it, but i did it so i wouldnt be temepted to txt him and pester him the reson i stayed away from him after the first date was becase i dint want to make any problems for him at work on r fist date we talked about another guy that works with him always dating local girls from the local council and he was the type to have a one night stand and these girls would come in and make seance in there work place, iv had a few one nighters my self so i do know when a guys just after one thing and he doesnt seem the type, iv stayed back to play it cool and have been waitting for him to make the next move{ this is a guy who has never asked a girl out on a date}, i dint want to take his number becase of the same reason i want him to make that next move.
im thankfull for all of ur oppionons and iv taken them all onboard thanks for ur advice even if some of it mite have been hard to read i know its wot needs to be said and hey if u all have diffrent view's than he mite too. Will keep u posted if ur intrested in how the nightmear love affre goes thanks again xxxxxxxxxxxx
A
male
reader, davie  +, writes (2 November 2006):
I think by "the situation had changed" probably meant that the situation between the two of you. You ask him out and then afterwards avoid seeing him for a while - which doesn't send a very good message. You then ask for his number but don't take it!? I'd advise you treat him with a bit more respect and he may feel differently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): How old are you guys?
A lot of people, especially young people, arn't looking for a relationship, or to settle down. They are quite happy with having casual sex with people.
It's important to get to know what someone wants out of life, or to tell them what you want out of life as to avoid these kind of situations.
If you are looking for a relationship with a guy I would recommend you do not sleep with them until you know them much better, and have been on enough dates to know you both feel equally commited to each other. Having sex with anyone is easy, so if you find someone you like, holding back from it for a while is not going to do any harm, if any thing it'll make the relationship stronger.
If you can't stop thinking about him then why didn't you take his number? If you like him it's worth pursuing him. It'll become clear how he feels towards you soon enough, I'm sure. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): It was a mistake to have sex with him on a first date, to start with. Sorry to say but it might have just been an "opportunity" for him that he couldn't refuse.
As things stand now, you have asked him out twice. Wait and see if he asks you out. If he really wants to see you, its his turn. Saying that these have changed could very well mean he's dating someone else. Hard to say.
Finally, you may have to accept that you're not going to GET closure. You only went out twice, and he may very well not be comfortable telling you something that barely got started is now over.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (2 November 2006):
 I'd say he either has someone else in his life or he just isn't that into you. He may have viewed your advances as an opportunity for a one night stand, and it came to be. If he wanted more, he should ask you out. You shouldn't have to be the aggressor.
You need to take three steps back and play it cool. If he pursues you, then you can take it from there. If he doesn't, it's time to find other fish to fry.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): us males have a hard time understanding our own feelings.mainly because that thing between our legs tends to have to much say in what we do. Dont be alarmed by his response.Instead, make a date to meet for a meal, or perhaps the pictures. DONT intend to go back to his place, make an excuse that you need to get up early or something.Try to develop the friendship side more, and see if you can enjoy each others company. It may take a few dates to see if your able to see if you can help him realise his real feelings towards you. It will also help you see if he is the man for you too.or whether it was just one of those physical lusty relationships. best of luck!
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