A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I really need your help in somethong serious! I have more than one problem! I hate doing the doggy style and my husband loves it.. he asks me almost everytime while we are having sex to bend down so he can do it,,(excuse me for the language but while he is doing it i get the urge to fart)...I just lost my virginity to him 2 month ago..he tells me im not flexible that i should be moving with him in different positions but i cant seem to be doing that.(its painful)..i never felt like i finished satisfied..i love him alot and he does too but i want to enjoy sex more with him..how can i do that? In addition sometimes while we are having intercourse and i get tired and start screaming he stops and masturbates by his hand and i sit and watch looking tired and not feeling turned on or anything:(
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Whoa, a lot of problems in this post.
Am I wrong in thinking that because you are from Lebanon that your sexual education is completely absent?
Women need more time to be ready for sex then men do. As you know by now the male gets an erection when excited, as large as this effect may seem it is nothing compared with what goes on inside a woman's body when she gets excited.
The vagina in rest is between 2/2.5 inches deep. When exicited this elongates, the tissue swells, lubricates. Far more blood is pumped around then for the male erection but most of it is hidden and most crucial of all, intercourse can start BEFORE this female "erection" is complete. A half swollen penis can't be used for intercourse, a totally non-excited female can have intercourse although some lube might be needed.
That you feel pain even months after loosing your viriginity suggests to me that intercourse happens before you are fully aroused. A lack of foreplay would seem to be the most obvious reason although if you have come to associate sex with pain it will become harder to get aroused. Knowing you are going to be in pain after all is hardly the kind of thing to get steaming hot. Unless you are a masochist.
What happens during foreplay does he touch you, stimulate you with hand or mouth? Or is it just straight to intercourse?
Even with enough stimulation Doggy style is a position that allows deep penetration but is often lacking for the woman in clitoral stimulation. The advantage of the position is that it does allow either partner clear access to the clitoris for stimulation by the hand or a sex toy. I presume that neither of you does this?
Try and learn about your own body through masturbation, if you don't know what works how is he supposed to? Then when you got an idea of what your body needs and how it responds try and talk to him about it, that you need more then what is currently happening.
One position you can try is to be on top. This allows you to control the intercourse and again gives both you and him access to you vulva for extra stimulation.
Basically, you two need to learn about making love, not just having intercourse. Get a "joy of sex" style book if available or read up on line on the subject.
Wether you can talk to him about this is another subject. Just how modern is Lebanon?
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 He's too far ahead of you. In his fond imaginings of what sex is all about, he thinks that you should effortlessly follow his lead in every sexual position he feels inclined to try without finding out first whether you like it or not.
He needs to realise that doing things the way you like them will make you juicier and hotter than he can imagine, and will eventually be much more enjoyable than forcing you into all his favourite positions.
One positive way of dealing with this is to tell him what you want him to continue doing. That is, if it feels good, beg him to keep doing it because you love it. That should be enough to keep any guy going!
Experimenting with sexual positions is not the only way to be sexually adventurous. To be turning you on, he should be doing things like kissing you from toe to head with his lips, tickling you from toe to head with his tongue, or even putting other parts of his body all over you :) I don't know if he's into oral sex, but that is extremely enjoyable for the woman and if he really is such a big experimenter who is more "flexible" in his sexual attitudes, this is something he should be doing to you.
Sex is not all gymnastics.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hi,
It appears your sex life is all about your partners enjoyment and nothing about you.
He is being a selfish arsehole who only cares about doing things which satisfy him.
A loving couple will please each other, and for a real man there is no greater pleasure than seeing your partner enjoying herself during sex. If she is not, then you are just a controlling jerk.
Have you told him you don't enjoy sex with him? You are from Lebanon and we have a large Lebanese community in Australia. Most of the guys I know see their women as mere playthings to service their own needs. I hope this is not you, otherwise you will find it difficult to enjoy sex in future if he has been brought up to believe that women are subservient to men.
Good luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Alrighty, then expirement with him. Find something that works for both of you. Try different things you guys come up with together. And your husband shouldn't be hurting you to wear you scream. You need to take it slow woman! Lol Tell him that he needs to take it slow so you can enjoy it more andd then speed it up as you get more comfortable (Still a virgin so idk how good this advice is)
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