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female
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anonymous
writes: ..!!please help!!..My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 5 and 1/2 months now it started off as a fiary tale now its slowly falling apart. We see each other around 3 times a week which is not to bad as im still at school, when we are together hes really sweet and nice. But i feel like i cant do anything with out asking him for permision first, i have to watch what i wear because he gets anoyed if i look good when im with or not with him, but when it comes to him he can do what ever he wants he gets dressed up goes out with his mates clubing.When we talk on the phone we always get in to fights about silly little things, Hes the type of guy that changes his moods real easrly, one minute hes all angry with me, then he'l be all nice and act like he wasn't just calling me a cow two minutes before. He gets really anoyed with me if im not in the mood for sex he'll tell me to just shut up and go to sleep so i just end up sleeping with him to keep happy as much as he can be a jerk i love him to peices and im scared im going to loss him one of these days because hes been talking about breaking up lately (is he worth it?)...please help!!!
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (23 April 2006):
 You have described a classic abusive personality in your boyfriend. The first warning signs are control issues, then manipulation, then verbal attacks, then physical attacks, and then even death. Most GFs smarten up at the first backhand blow by their BF and wonder why they couldn't see the warning signs in the beginning.
Love can't be real in a relationship like this. Love has to have trust, caring for the other, and patience to be true.
What you're feeling are intense emotions of survival that are solely linked to him. It is the same emotions kidnapped children feel, and when rescued the child will say 'please don't hurt him'.
PLEASE please listen to me, run away from this guy before he gets worse for IT WILL.
Then gets yourself some help to figure out why you're attracted to men like this by contacting the Domestic Violence Hot-line. (The number is (800) 799-7233. TTY: (800) 787-3224).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): Personally, I don't think these kinds of relationships are fair at all, no matter who "wears the pants". I understand where you are coming from because my boyfriend can be very moody and I often feel like I am walking on eggshells around him. But, I know I can stop my boyfriend when he's gone too far, and he will listen and apologize and make an effort to change his behavior. Relationships are about mutualism and compromise. It sounds like this guy wants YOU to do all the compromising, and that's not fair to you. Be strong. Stand up for yourself! Don't let him boss you around and treat you like an object. You need to set your boundaries and make compromises with this guy if you want to salvage this relationship. If he won't listen to you and respect your wishes, as you've been respecting his the whole time, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't care about your feelings. You deserve to be happy, so don't waste your time being unhappy. Maybe you should break it off completely and tell him that you won't take him back unless he's willing to make some changes in his attitude. Take the upper hand. No one deserves to be treated like a dog by their partner. I know it can be hard to get away from relationships that you really want to work, but sometimes they just won't, no matter how much you want them to. Be strong. I wish you the best of luck, and I really hope everything works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (23 April 2006):
 I have to be honest and say I'm inclined to say hes not worth it. Controlling what you wear is not on and is way over the line of being a possessive partner. My partner looking good when she wasnt with me would in no way bother me at all. Also, if you dont want sex you shouldnt be made to feel bad for not wanting it.
He seems to have issues which need addressing, for yourself you need to set boundries and assert your right to decent treatment and also to wear what you want when you are not with him. If you dont he may well grind down on your self-esteem. Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear, take care.
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