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male
,
anonymous
writes: Hello Everyone. This might be a little long, I'll try keep it brief.I'm gay but no one knows because I cover my tracks very well. I'm a modern metrosexual man, and no body suspects a thing because I always have ladies flirting with me, and I come across as the perfect batchelor,or "ladies man". My parents don't suspect anything as I always talk about my "lady friends" although I've never had a proper girlfriend because I work very hard and my excuse to others is that I'm working, I'm not ready and I don't want to get involved as I first want to establish myself, and that I'm in no rush.Now the catch is that I'm involved, with a man, for two years, one year long distance and no one knows at all. We've both kept a secret and he is also not obvious. In short we look like two hetrosexuals.We love each other very much and plan to marry. There are only a few people that are overseas that know about us, as when I went to visit him we told, some close frieds, and they were so happy for us.But in the coutry that I'm in my parents would be so ashamed with me, and the thought of me being with a man will make them sick to the stomach, they'll be embarrased by me as I'll make the family look bad and be the "gay son".I'll be moving away with him so that we can start our lives together and get married. but to my folks they wont know.There are times where I want to tell them because I'm tired of hiding and I want to be with him without hiding our affection for each other.My parents and family are anti gay they hate it, when we see things or stories on tv they have a steriotype of gay people being drag queens with illnessses, but when they say this or insult gay people I do the same to avoid any suspicion.Then there are times that I think we'll hide it from them to avoid their pain and suffering.What should i do?My partners family are more modern in a sence that they welcome all differnt issues, "they also don't know" but they'll be more opened to US, then what my parents will be, my parents will go as far as saying that I've been drugged by my partner into liking him, and that he will distroy me. "I don't even smoke".My situation is complicated but I have no idea what to do. I want to be with my partner because I know that I'll be happy. I feel so happy and safe when I'm with him, and so does he, he tells me that I'm his world.I've never been with anyone before and he is my first, and he was involved with a woman before we met but things were'nt going well, as he wasn't happy.I know in my heart even though ive never been with a woman or anyone else that he is the one. we have so much chemistry and so much respect and love for eachother, and I know that he is my soulmate and so does he.What should I do?Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): I really feel for you and your situation. I understand that things like this are very hard. Your first priority needs to be you. If being with this man is what makes you happy, then be with this man. You owe it to yourself to live your life for you. Afterall, this is your life, and not your parents. Altough I don't know personally, I know that it is very hard to come out, especially to people who have known you all your life and would never have suspected it. Follow your heart and trust your instincts. You could come out to your parents and family just in time to move away and give them space from you to cope with the fact that you're gay. After a while, most parents will come around to accepting their gay children for who they are. No one finds it appealing to be disowned by their parents, so ask yourself, do you really believe that your parents would never speak to you again if they found out that you were gay? If you think that they'd accept it in time, it might lift a lot of weight off your shoulders to come out and tell them. I think no matter what your answer, in the long run, it would make you feel much better to come out to your parents and lift the weight from your shoulders, regardless of their reaction. They have to understand that this is your life, and you will live it how you want, with who you want. If you do end up telling them, be patient with them, because it sounds like they won't be willing to accept it at first. Some parents just don't want gay children. But, like I said, most parents will come around to accepting it after having some time to deal with it and accept the idea. I know these situations are extremely delicate, and I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out alright for you.
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