A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my bf and i have been together now about 2 an a half years. I've had serious relationships before, but I was ready to get out of other ones by the year and a half mark, or so, and none lasted to two years. So this is the longest thing yet, and I still care about him desparately, so that's good sign, i think.Only thing is, since i've never done this before, I don't know how things are supposed to be. We've had our problems in the past and even broke up a couple times only to get back together shortly thereafter, but i think things are good with us now. I feel like they're good.But he doesn't reach out for me the way he used to - he's just not affectionate or tender the way he used to be. He can still be very thoughtful, and we spend lots of time together, and it's not like he's sick of me, really ... it's just ... like I'm just another girl to him now. I mean, I know he loves me. But sometimes it feels like we're more friends than anything.Is this normal in a relationship that's lasted this long? (I should say that things have been stressful lately, as we're finishing grad school this month.) Should I just sit tight and be happy that we can still find things to talk about and not worry that it isn't like it used to be? Or is the fact that he doesn't tell me I'm pretty anymore, or reach out for me in bed, etc., ... does it suggest he's going off me, even though everything else seems okay? I'm in deep on this one, and i'm afraid of getting hurt, or being so in love that i'm blind to things i should be seeing. I don't want to be THAT girl - you know?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): I understand. But as you say you are both in grad school, I can relate a little more. The pressure is on and the "paper chase" can be a frustrating and time-consuming thing. It can decrease libido. But, don't assume it decreases affection. I have seen this before,... guys going for masters and doctorate degrees whose wives/sig others were very unhappy. You, at least, are doing the same thing. That should give you some more insight than others would have. Be understanding and patient. Just keep being there and don't think on his not being as outwardly affectionate as a loss of interest or caring. How about taking the initiative yourself a little more. How often do you reach out for him? It takes both parties to make a relationship work. Best wishes.
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