A
male
age
36-40,
*ifecycle
writes:Hi all, I'm in need of some help because my feelings are so messed up I dont know which way to turn.I have been in a relationship for just over 2 years with a lovely girl who treats me really well and is head over heels in love with me. The relationship started in abit of a rush, and before we knew it we were 3 months down the line. We get on really well and have alot in common and have the same sort of ideas on life and the future.The problem I have is that it just doesnt feel right. That little spark that should be there isnt, and I cant figure out whether its me just causing a problem or whether it really just isnt there. Over the last 6 months or so we have both had alot on at work and not seen enough much, maybe once a week or so. We spoke about it about 3 weeks ago, and after alot of upset we said we'd see how it goes over the next few weeks, and then yesterday we met up, and practically broke up. She said she wanted to stay together and I guess it was me who decided against that.This morning Im waking up doubting the decision, hurting, feeling horrible that i've upset her and really just all over the place. I dont think i'll find someone as good as she is ever again, but dont want to try again and then feel the same in 6 months time... please help :(
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male
reader, lifecycle +, writes (21 January 2011):
lifecycle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for advice pjr7719, your last relationship sounds very similar to this one. I also knew from the start that that little spark wasnt quite there, but I kept going hoping it would develop over time. That led to being very close and getting on well, but still missing that feeling. I can honestly say I do love her, and have feelings for her, but I guess if its not right, then its better to call it a day now then keep floating along and being here again in a year, or 5.
Its been two days since we split now, and the main feelings I have about it is that im worried about her, I want her to be ok and be happy and it feels like im causing her to be upset and heartbroken, that bothers me but I guess I cant really do much about that :(
A
female
reader, pjr7719 +, writes (21 January 2011):
 If it doesn't 'feel' right, then it isn't right...you have to have that spark, or else you will end up being just friends, and that can hurt just as much over time because it gets harder and harder to break away.
I've been there in my last relationship...9 years of pulling away and coming together. It's heartbreaking.
I can't even remember feeling the spark at the beginning of my last relationship, it was just good, he treated me right, we got on well etc etc.
Now, however, I've met a wonderful man who set off that spark right from the very beginning and I'm still feeling it almost a year later. It's something in your heart that really cannot be explained. And when you find it, you will know it!
You have to go with your gut instinct - if you're not feeling what you should be feeling, and you ended the relationship because of that, then you have to stick by that decision, no matter how painful.
You will have done the right thing by 'both' of you - in time you will see that this relationship just wasn't quite right for you and you will have saved your girlfriend from having her heart broken even more further down the line.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, jazzy3477  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 no relationship is perfect and that spark dont last forever.. must of us suffer from the grass is greener on the other side and dont know what you got til its gone..
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