A
male
age
30-35,
*amhamss
writes:ok, I have a major problem here. My girlfriend and I are very close and recently our relationship has been accelerating at an unreasonable rate. I mean we haven't hardly dated that much and already she is interested in sexual activity (not intercourse, just oral and manual). I know I'm not ready but I have a hard time controlling myself and I'm afraid that this relationship will spiral out of control very quickly. I don't want to dump her, I just want to keep her from being so rowdy, I need your advice, I really want to build a very solid relationship before we even think of anything like we have. I'm afraid because I might not be able to control myself, I can't tell my friends or family because it's embarrassing.Thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Samhamss +, writes (2 June 2008):
Samhamss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your input, i really appreciate it, you helped a lot,x
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 I agree with what the previous person explained. It has to feel right for you both. Chances are she is not a virgin, and sexual contact is what she is used to.
How long have you been together? How old is your girlfriend?
It is a refreshing change to hear of a guy with such concerns, it is normally the girl who doesn't feel ready.
If you have concerns pull back, and take your time, as it is only a matter of time before you go further.
When the time is right, use a condom.
In the meantime, it can feel very intimate having a really long cuddle. You can feel near to eachother that way.
Communication is the key.
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A
female
reader, I'llTryToHelp +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Jumping right into an intimate situation at the beginning of a relationship is definitely not wise and you are very mature for seeing this. Plus, you're both so young and there's plenty of time for intimacy.The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is not talking to each other. Tell her how you feel. Explain to her that you have always believed in building trust before you move on to the next step. Tell her "Let's get to know each other better, first. We really haven't had a chance to do that. We'll both be happier if we take our time and we'll both enjoy it more." Laugh, give her a hug, take her hand and move on to something else. Start asking her questions about herself that you don't know the answers to. Favorite movies, books, music, friends, siblings, pets.... there are a million things to ask and learn, giving you more time to become more comfortable with her. I stress the part about giving her a hug and taking her hand. This way she won't feel rejected. Show her some affection. Very important! Girls love this! I know since I'm female, too...If she doesn't understand how you feel, then you really know you made the right choice to take your time.If she doesn't already know, then explain to her about how arousal is different for men than for women. Women don't always need the release that men do after serious foreplay or heavy petting. I know it's embarrassing but if she's got the guts to be pushing for everything but intercourse, then she needs to hear the truth about what consequences there are for young men such as yourself. Tell her that it can be painful and very, very frustrating!Also, don't be afraid to discuss birth control and STD's. What do you know about her? Has she been in very many relationships before you? There are so many dangerous diseases out there today and as the saying goes - If you have sex with her, then you're literally having sex with everybody that she did before you. You can get herpes and warts without ever having intercourse with someone, just by doing the other stuff. If she's being pushy, she is either very hormone driven without a shy bone in her body or you aren't her first. Speak up but don't ask who she's been with, for goodness sake! That's one of those things you'll learn by getting to know each other better.. See?Good Luck and be careful! You've got plenty of time.
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