A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I am looking for some advice and guidance because i feel as though my relationship is like a 'warzone'. I have been with my bf for almost 5 yrs and during that time he went through a stressful divorce which has left him bitter (he did not leave his wife for me, she was already with another man when i met him but they just had not sorted out their divorce). He seems angry, bitter, obsessed with money, scared that if he moves in with anyone else they will 'shaft' him (he feels that his ex wife 'shafted' him). He is highly critical of everyone (we don't live together) but nobody (ie myself, his children or my children, all of whom are at university) are allowed to criticise him. He seems to pick arguments all the time and when i start to challenge him he says we should split up. We have nice times and then he spoils it by making an arguments. My problem is that I do love him with all my heart and he is the love of my life - if it was any other guy I would probably have left him already but when I am apart from him it makes me feel like I am going crazy!! and i cannot eat or sleep or function properly - this has never happened to me before (even though I know I wouldn't go mad but it just feels like it ... it just feels SO bad). When we first met we have a very strong connection that sustained us through all sorts of problems. We have 'circular' arguments about attitudes to money which is one of the problems but he just wants everyone and everything done his way (he is a bit of a control freak!). I feel all caught up and miserable and stuck. I can see how our problems ar resolvable if he would just stop fighting. He acts like a sort of 'rebel without a cause' he just fights and fights with everyone over everything and it is exhausting me. I wonder if this is the real him and will he change ... Does anyone have any advice that could help me? He refuses to go for counselling.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, money, split up, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Aparently he doesn't feel that he has a problem.
The key to getting through this is for him to first admit that he has a problem, then he will agree that he needs help.
He needs to be able to see himself objectivly to be able to do a self examination.
The other thing is, it could take some time for him to get to the realization that he does need help and worse case senario is he may never get there.
Are you prepared to face that possible eventuallity?
You do have some hard deciding to do here. Doc
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