A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing someone I worked with back in August. We only had around 5 or 6 dates between August and November so things were moving quite slow but as we worked together we already knew each other and were quite good friends. He left work in September and me in November so neither of us are associated with our old workplace and we no longer work together. However since mid November everything is speeding along. We're crazy for each other. There's so much chemistry, we hate being apart and are always together. We,'ve said I love you and everything is perfect. The thing I'm worried about is that we'll burn out too quick. We have discussed how this is a possibility and have agreed to limit the time we spend together but it always ends up back to me practically living at his. We have both never felt a connection like this so would appreciate any advice is sustaining our amazing relationship
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): The secret to longevity and keeping it good, is living it one day at a time.
Make the best of the time you spend together, and minimize worrying about "what might happen." Enjoy what is happening.
You're sucking the joy out of the present, killing it with pessimism.
Relationships are supposed to go up and down. They are supposed to have growing pains.
You feel great about each other one day, and don't seem to have too much time to spend together the next. It will not always be in the honeymoon phase. You'll disagree and make mistakes. You just learn to compromise, be considerate of each others feelings, and respect each other. Everything else just falls into place.
When you disagree, work on it until it is resolved and everyone is happy with the solution. If you sense things are slowing down; don't fret over it. You can't go full-speed ahead all the time.
Take the time to broaden your own interests. Spend some time with family and friends; so you don't center to much time on trying to make the relationship perfect. It isn't going to be perfect.
I suspect "you" will put a lot of pressure on the relationship; because you're already worrying about things before they happen. That's a sign of insecurity, and you're letting your past relationships haunt this one.
STOP IT!!!
Trust what you have and stay in the present. You work your way through the highs and lows. You stay optimistic and believe it will work. You don't hold doom over your relationship. You'll kill it through self-fulfilling prophecy by conjuring up pessimism and cynical thoughts.
If it's good now. Be happy with what you have right now.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 January 2014):
 The irony is that these connections are always amazing because one of you knows that it does not last so you had to make the best out of your time. Whether it's because he doesn't believe in marriage or it's just the nature and reality of all relationships. Even marriage does not safeguard such a connection. If anything it destroys it when you make a valuable thing a possession. The butterfly stage doesn't last forever no matter how you want to stretch it.
Realizing that it could burn out could take out the enjoyment but at least if one naively believes that love lasts forever she would be able to live in the moment and not worry about the future then be heartbroken later. I think letting it go and letting you miss each other is better than insisting that every day should feel the same. He became your world. It is important not to lose sight that there are many things that are equally beautiful in the world that are waiting for you to reach out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): I would say relax and let things develop naturally. If it's going to work it's going to work. Spending a lot of time together ergo getting to know each other quickly is not going to change how compatible you are. You will only get to your destination faster ie. happy ever after or break up.It started the same way with my partner and 4 years later we are still going strong and still rush home to each other after work and meet up for lunch when we can.There's no magic formula. Just love each other the way you know how.
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