A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been with my bf for almost 2 years - we have a 10 month old baby together - he is a wonderful dad to the child. The problem is just our relationship is not the same since I had the child. The sex life has completely disappeared and when I sat him down and had a calm and respectful conversation with him asking him if we could restore this missing piece of the jigsaw so to speak - he said he didn't feel 'safe' with me cos of the couple of arguments we had - the arguments we had were pretty much all the same in topic. He won't touch me - kiss me properly - nothing - he has once before upset me by calling me 'his mom' now that I have his child. Prior to having the baba he once said how he wanted to marry me when I was having his baby. I feel so so let down. I feel lied and deceived to and given false promises. I told him don't make promises to me that you can't keep. Please.SO I withdrew from him cos I don't know what else I can do to make him feel 'safe' since I don't feel safe with him either and I recognise that is a huge problem. I asked him why was he still with me if he didn't know if he still loved me or not....he said he has been hanging around just for the baby and not to save us so to speak. I said well that is not the atmosphere I was for my children and its not a good reason to stay so if things don't change in 2 wks now I think you should move out. He agreed with me that yes its a bad reason to stay. I feel heartbroken as I do love him truely and I know I am giving more to him than what I have been receiving which is primarily why there has been so much resentment. I gave him an ultimatum but that is cos I have been putting up with no attention - no affection - no couple time cos by the time kids are asleep etc he is too tired to do much cos of jobs etc. He would rather be playing computer games then spending some quality time with me. He even played a phone game over my head when I tried to cuddle him in bed. I had to ask him to stop pls. He told me he watches tv with me cos that way there is less risk of us fighting together. That TOTALLY crushed me. I said to him wow you make me feel like some sort of monster to you. After that, I stopped talking with him and let him go on and do his own thing and I did my own thing but now am fed up cos I just want the old relationship we once had to return. He is divorced twice. I am never married. Before I had the baby he told me that he thought about asking me to marry him - that it was a 'fleeting thought' but he never did it at the time cos he was still clearing a divorce paper problem out with his ex. 2 months after my pregnancy it was finally cleared up. His first ex wife is lurking on his facebook and last night he told me she is much nicer than what she was 10 years ago. This has left me feeling a bit insecure about our relationship cos I just want it to work out properly with him and he gives me no reassurances that it will - he just gives me confused looks and then he runs to the bathroom cos he get a bad tummy over it. I can not stand this ex wife 1 - she is so flirty with him and he doesn't even see it.He told me he was not attracted to me in my pregnancy and I know I am an attractive woman. That also crushed me so I don't think its about a lack of attraction either. I think cos we got on each others nerves a bit that is what caused the lack of attraction at the time cos he still tells me he thinks I'm hot.All my ex bf before him got married to the next girl after me. Yes all. I feel like the 'stepping stone' girl who fixes the guy up for the next girl and it starts to really get me down. My ex bf wife tried to add him on Facebook which I found odd but at least he told me about it. IDK what to think anymore. I just know that I want it to simply work with him. I want a sex life back and I just don't want all this relationship drama! I told him this and all and I still feel like he is making drama that does not have to actually happen. I don't feel cared or loved - he is great with the kids though. Any advice how this can be over-turned would be much appreciated - I got him a trip away for his birthday and there was no holiday sex either which has left me completely down in the mouth. That was my effort to spice things up and get the romance back. Now I feel all out of ideas :( I don't want to break up with him where possible. I know he still has strong feelings for me but it just appears to be WAY less than before - he stopped saying 'I love you' about 3 months ago so I fear a breakup is on the horizon but neither person is shedding any light on this. He seems to enjoy being in the job he hates more than being with me. I am sick of my ex bf trying to get back with me. I ignore them all as I love my bf and am loyal to him. He knows I ignore them. But still cos he has had bad experiences in his past he is bringing those fears into this relationship and I feel I am getting the fall-out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAww hun I am sorry that happened you. Thankfully he has not cheated on me..but I say yet. I def know he flirted around on FB but then stopped when he saw how devastated I looked since I wasn't doing it to him. I agree to take no notice of this nonsense where possibly and get looking good a priority. Its amazing how we let ourselves go a bit after having a baby...I am physically in good shape and well I am not wearing short skirts though lol. I don't ever wear too much make-up - he told me he likes me for that. But I think a bit of lipstick can go a long way :D anyway thank you for responding - I hope things get better for you. I escaped stretch marks and would recommend putting shea butter on them as you can get rid of them over time....well that is what worked for me so hope it can work for you.... THANK YOU! xoxo
A
female
reader, cary12  +, writes (17 August 2012):
its funny how i thought i was the only one experiencing this...i gave birth and got stretch marks etc and my husband doesnt even take a second glimpse at me anymore...its really frustrating and he's cheated on me a couple of times too...i even thot of cheating too still do but my advice to you is get your groove back on.go back to being the girl he fell in love with...wear your short skirts,do your make up, look sexy..dont show him you care coz he will take full advantage of that,just go back to your old self...i know your self esteem has gone low but pick yourself right back up...give it 2 weeks...if he doesnt change then it means he has really fallen out of love with you...i did the same thng and it worked like a charm..best of luck to your girlfriend
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