A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear everyone.I'm in bits. I have been with my ex for about 3.5 yrs(off and on) and for the past 2 months he had grown increasingly distant. I knew he had been working alot but he never had time to see me, yet he still said he loved me. I had seen this girl popping up on his fb alot so I confronted him about it, he said nothing was going on. So I mailed her and asked her, she said that they had been in a relationship for 2 months, while he was still with me, and that he'd told her I was some psycho ex trying to get back with him. We met up and showed each other the texts and she obviously then had to believe me. She was sorry but she thought we had broken up ages ago. I didnt feel angry towards her, just sorry that he had led her on too. She told me all these things that he'd told her, and I confirmed to her that they were all lies eg, he hadnt passed his test, she didnt know he was fostered etc. Anyway we both turned up together at his work and he looked absolutely sick when he saw us both. she went n got herstuff, we exchanged more stories about what he had done. i discovered that she'd practically been living with him for the past two months, and he'd been sleeping with both of us. This almost killed me. That night he constantly text begging me to give him a chance, n crying n saying i was the one he loved and she was nothing. so i stupidly went round his n slept with him. immediately after he went all cold nd i left. he text me 2 hours later saying he was in love with this girl, its her he wants, n told me to leave him be. I asked her ifthey were making a go of it and she said yes even though she half thinks shes making a huge mistake.I feel sick to death about the whole thing. if he had just dumped me then got with someone else i could have coped, but the fact that he's been actually having a relationship with the both of us and actually loves her is tearing me apart. he is a monster who has treated me awfully. how can i get over this? will they actually have a happy ending? i feel so sick, any advice please
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 You - and that other girl - are a player's worst nightmare: The two girls who he's playing meet up and confront him!!!!
Unfortunately, both of you are doomed to heartbreak... as long as ONE OF YOU (YOU!) succumbs to his player ways.... SHE gets heartbreak now; because he pretends to "be" with you (again!).... and YOU get heartbreak a little while in the future, when it becomes apparent that it wasn't very smart to let him back in to your life, after all....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 If it's any consolation he probably doesn't love her any more than he loves you. It is obvious from the outside point of view that he only told you he loved you so you would come over to his place and have sex with him. He wanted to know he was still in control. His ego couldn't take you dumping him, so he needed to get you back just so he could dump you. He wants to do the same with the other girl. He doesn't want her, please. If he actually was a decent guy with genuine feelings for her he'd have dumped you before he even met her, realizing you aren't what he wants and needs. He'd then have carried on to meet her, have a relationship with her, and not lie to her. If he actually loved her he'd not pretend to want you back, cry for you, and then sleep with you. No, he feels for her the same way he feels for you: as someone he can use and call for whenever he wants sex, and then he'll throw her away like garbage once he meets someone else willing to sleep with him. Rest assured, there will not be a happy ending for him. Lets just hope this new girl can get out before he wastes 3 years of her life as well. Good riddance! You can do better than this and you deserve better too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): I'm so sorry to read your story. Men are such fools. They don't value or even realize the trust and love women offer them, and they don't realize the damage they do with their selfish lies. I feel so very sad for you. You didn't deserve this. Telling you you are better off is cold comfort. you don't want to be better off without him, you just wanted to be loved. Instead you were lied to, tricked, cheated on and that hurts so much. He is not a grown up... he doesn't know how to do the right thing, tell the truth or take responsibility for his actions. Those are things children do. So no. He won't have a happy ending because he's simple not capable of having a mature, happy relationship. Time will heal you. Do not blame yourself. Look around your world and see what good, grown up, mature men look like. One's who are trustworthy and honest. One's who do the right thing. Look at them. Learn what they look like so that when you are ready to open your heart again, you will choose one of them. Big warm hug to you. So very sorry this happened to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2012):
 If she is willing to be with him after that then GOOD LUCK to them both, they will not be happy together. They will have a lot of mistrust and fights. I don't see it lasting. However...
I thin YOU should THANK your lucky stars that you found out and ended it. As a BF, he is not worth a pot to piss in!
How do you get over it? With time and a little patience. Right now you feel like it was YOUR fault he cheated. You might even feel that he thought you weren't good enough... You might be putting all kind of blame on yourself. But, here is the deal. YOU are NOT responsible for his lack of morals, his actions and his inability to be honest.
I have to say when I hear people who have these long drawn out relationships that are on/off it makes me wonder why, they keep going back trying to fix something that isn't going to work. Time has shown them that countless times...
So, honey. Dry your eyes, take a deep breath and let it go.
Life is too short to wonder about a man who just isn't worth a darn. Time for you to live your life, find your own happiness! Its out there!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 August 2012):
 I gotta remember to hit that refresh button...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 August 2012):
I highly doubt that there will ever be a happy ending for any poor girl who hooks up with this loser. Consider yourself the fortunate one, YOU won't be wasting anymore of your precious time. And get yourself checked out for any diseases this scum might have passed on to you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 August 2012):
 I very much doubt they will have a happy ending, she should trust her instincts and not bother with this awful man because they started their relationship so badly. When a relationship starts in a manner like this, where she was the other woman, well chances are he is going to do the same thing to her.
He clearly wanted to sleep with both of you and would have probably carried on doing so if you hadnt found out, so he obviously is not a man who feels guilt and he is a good liar from the sounds of things. I would put good money that after a while with this other girl he will end up cheating on her too - once a cheat always a cheat as they say!
I cant imagine how hard this must be for you, and it is going to take you a long time to get over this - but try and look at it from a different perspective. You have had a lucky escape from a cheat and a liar, he is an awful person that didnt deserve your love. Now you are free of him you are free to find a wonderful man who will love you and treat you with the respect you deserve. It will take a while for you to be able to think like that, and it will take even longer before you consider other men again, but always keep in mind that you have had a lucky escape from a horrible guy.
You could have wasted more years on this loser, thankfully you took the initative and found out the truth so now you can move on. Imagine if you had moved in with him, or worse, married him, and you would be in an even worse position now. I know that is not much comfort, but in time you will see that this is actually a good thing and that you never have to be with someone so awful ever again.
Dont put pressure on yourself to get over him, the healing process takes a long time and it is perfectly normal to be hurting a lot right now. I suggest you block both him and this girl on Facebook so you cant see any of their updates or any pictures they might post together etc. Delete his phone number and email address, basically remove all opportunities for you to contact him. Chances are in the coming months you will have a weak moment and want to contact him, so it is best now to get rid of all ways to contact him.
Can you book yourself a holiday with your friends or family? Getting away for a while to a new place and relaxing will be good for you, even if it is just a weekend break in the UK it will help to have a change of scenery, somewhere where there is nothing to remind you of him.
Try picking up some new hobbies, maybe join the gym if you dont already go, do some volunteering....try and find lots of ways to keep busy and keep yourself occupied. Building a new life without him where you are making new friends and doing things you enjoy will help take your mind of the hurt you feel now.
And remember - you wont get over this any time soon so dont beat yourself up for feeling rubbish. If you need to cry, let yourself cry, dont feel bad for missing him, dont feel guilty for anything at all. None of this is your fault, you have simply been unfortunate in the man you chose to spend 3.5 years with, but you can learn from this experience, pick yourself up and move on to something better.
You deserve so much more than him, keep telling yourself that every day. This other girl is welcome to that loser, she is only going to get hurt in the long run so you have had a lucky escape from a nasty piece of work.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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