A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend were all set to have sex for the first time but our parents ruined our plans at the last minute. It was made all the worse because it was meant to be a special moment at the end of a romantic night.I've just turned 16 and so has she, we've been going out for nearly 3 years and love each other very much. The night in question was our school prom. We had planned to go to the prom and afterwards go to a hotel to take each others' virginity, as we would have the privacy neither of us would get in our homes.My parents have always been very open when it comes to talking about sex and relationships, which was quite awkward at first but it helped me to be more confident in saying me and my girlfriend wanted to start having sex when we both turned 16. Both our parents said it would be fine as long as she went on the pill, which she agreed. The prom itself was amazing, she looked absolutely gorgeous and we had a really good time. But as we were about to head to the hotel her Dad was waiting and said he and her mum had changed their minds about it, so they forced her to go home with them.The next day her mum and dad explained that they don't want her having sex any time soon, something which my parents then agreed on with me. We felt devastated. I can understand if they said no outright but the fact is they went back on their word at the last minute and effectively ruined our evening.Throughout the past week we haven't gotten any privacy because our parents don't trust us, and I'm afraid we'll be banned from seeing each other if we argue about it. I tried talking to my Mum about it saying we're both over the age of consent and we're sensible with contraception but she isn't having any of it, and calls me immature for questioning their authority. Now I really resent them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): I am sorry to hear your parents changed their minds on your special night, I understand completely why you resent them at the moment, it's not fair that they went back on their word after you so maturely talked to them and organised she was on the pill etc. But your parents probably freaked out, they didn't want to sit at home knowing what you two were doing, which although it is such a good thing that you were so open with your parents, but that's the downside, that they know what is going on and when, if that makes sense? They care about you so much, I just hope you understand why they are now saying no, but it's not right that they initially said it was okay. Very very unfair and frustrating!I would sit down with them and talk about it, find out why they changed their minds, let them know it was not fair on their behalf that they changed their minds. Which it's not fair, but they're the parents, and as you obviously respect them so well, you're going to let them control what you do.My mum is very against sex at a young age, however I'm 18, in a stable relationship of a year, I feel as though I am old enough to make my own decisions about this. So I did, I got myself on the pill, and we had been together 9 months we planned on it to happen, well we didn't plan it, but we went away for a weekend together, had a really nice hotel room and it was first time we were really getting privacy since I had gone on the pill, so we expected it to happen, but because it was on my mind the whole time leading up to it, when we tried for it to happen, it didn't. Because it was planned. It just, doesn't seem to work if it is planned.So in the future, maybe you should rely a little less on your parents decisions, I'm not saying go behind their back or don't respect what they think, definitely listen to them and appreciate their advice - but you can choose to do what you wish.It really sounds like you two have an excellent relationship, don't feel like you're missing out if you're not having sex yet, it will happen when it's supposed to, and that's the thing, it will happen one day, it may be longer away than you hope, but it will happen, so just enjoy what you can do at the moment. :)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Too bad you don't own a 1959 Oldsmobile (or other full-sized GM car)... The back seats of those babies is as large as many hotel rooms... and you and your lady-friend can get it on.... with room to spare!!! (I know, I had a 1959 Oldsmobile "98"!!!)...
Anyhow.... short of driving such a "motel room on wheels" you're limited to your own devices as to where to go to get your girl to put out with/for you.....
Sorry your folks reneged.... Darn adults/parents do that crap all the time!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): parents are just doing their jobs and are being protective. You should be glad that they care about your welfare. You are still very young and sex is a big thing emotionally and physically. First time sex for a girl is not enjoyable either, so you have to make sure that you are BOTH ready for it. If there is any doubt from either of you then don't do it. You should talk to your parents about it and mention about being safe and using contraception. I'm sure most parents would prefer to know their kids are having safe sex then running off to have sex in some back alley. If you are ready for sex then you are both going to find a way to have sex whether they like it or not, but just make sure you are protected and ready!
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A
female
reader, BeckieYMA6 +, writes (1 November 2011):
 I had the same problem. I went by their rules for a while, was open and honest for a while, and i made it clear to them it was going to happen soon. They hated it, but they couldn't stop it. In the end i just went to them 'i'm doing it, i'm legal, on contraception and i feel as though i am ready'. I told them where i was, warned them that if they interfere it would be very immature of them considering it is now my choice, reminded them that my sex life is not their bussiness, went off and done it. They pretty much kept quiet after that, until my Dad got drunk one night and asked if i had 'done it'. i said no, and then he begged me to tell him the truth, i did. then he made sure that it was enjoyable and that i hadn't been forced and left it. Just go at do it. There is nothing that can do. either tell them or don't. but ignore the selfishness coming out of their mouths if they find out,(or know already) and just act like it's not a big thing. don't even sink to their level. just smile and say that you did nothing wrong, which you won't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): Let's be honest here - how many kids get permission from their parents before having their first sexual experience? And how many parents themselves did back in their day? Very few. This is the real world. You are both being wonderfully open with your parents - but you are both 16, seem to be in a loving on going relationship, contraception is sorted. All good. As a mother of daughters I'd rather they'd wait as long as possible! So there's the dilemma and why most kids go off and sort themselves out quietly and discretely on their own without their parents knowledge. It's impossible to tell you what to do, but it's unlikely your parents are going to joyfully hand you the keys to the bedroom. Let things go for now and consider this again when the dust has settled.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Parents are human and they have the right to change their mind.
To be honest, losing your virginity on prom night is not all it's cracked up to be...
I am not sure how it is in your country but here in the USA until a child is 18 they are a parent's responsibility.
I'm glad you guys were open and honest with your folks. Maybe the six of you can sit down and talk about this more and get more input from them as to why they feel the way they do...
Personally as an adult who clearly remembers being 16 all those years ago, I can understand how you feel AND how your parents feel.
If you want to be treated as adults then you need to act as adults. IF you live in their home and are supported by them, then you have to abide by their rules.
Instead of questioning their rules... or acting all resentful and angry, why not sit down with them and get them to outline WHY they originally thought it was ok and WHAT happened to make them change their minds.....
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