A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for some help in dealing with certain personal issues I have within my realtionship. I have been with this guy since March I am 31 and he 29- its LD and we meet about once a month. We have certain complications as due to financial constraints and debt I still live in the same house as my ex husband, however our relationship has been officially over for over 2 years. I have been recently very insecure in what my bf wants for the future. He is a pragmatist so never dreams like I think all girls do :)I have come to realise just this week that me still living where I am is a big deal to him. It always has been for me for he has never expressed any jealousy and has done nothing but try to help me. I had taken the fact that he was not jealous as not really caring but I know this is wrong now. I also have a huge jealousy issue over his ex. He still keeps in regular contact with her and goes to see her occasionally. She is much older than him (59) and suffers with health issues and also has no family. it was his decision to end their 8 yr relationship but he still wants to be friends with her. This weekend he went to see her and I was so mad. She lives close to me. I havent seen him in 4 weeks and we have a weekend planned this week but he didnt want to see me while he was here ( I think because I had made a huge deal of it) I find it hard to deal with this. Why cant i just respect their friendship. He respects my situation. I just blew up though making things miserable. I know he loves me and his with me so why am i so jealous. He tells me everything and I trust him. I think its sometimes frustration of not being able to see him more- he says he dosent want to see me every weekend at the moment, he likes to look forward to seeing me and his work schedule is manic, so a weekend to himself he loves, he likes his own space as do I but I am so fearful that space means he dosent care, why dosent he want to talk to me every free moment he has, why dosent he want to see me every free weekend he has. Does that mean he dosent love me or want me? I asked him if he saw a future with me and he said yes eventually. I when I am honest with myself am not ready to move in with him yet I need to live on my own for a while, but why did I see that as he didnt love me??I really want to deal with these issues as I think me constantly talking to him about my feelings is stripping our relationship of its romance.And wearing him down. He no longer texts me beautiful things as he did at the start of our realtionship. We do talk every day but I am always thinking that there is something missing, why does he not tell me he misses me every day and it breaks his heart not to be with me, why dosent he say he wants me in his arms ( you know those sort of things) . I know its me and I should enjoy what we have and I think my negative attitude is stopping the realtionship from growing. I am seeing a councillor about my insecurities but I would love some advice on how I can help the realtionship to grow and get the romance back and make up for my actions
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 WHY you see things the way you do is not something ANY of us can answer. You need to work one on one with a therapist to deal with those issues.
LOVE does not mean being stuck up each others butts.
I was in a very similar situation.... and to be honest our relastionship could NOT progress until my husband moved out of my home and the LDR stopped being LDR and he moved in with me.
In the beginning we did not see each other all that often... we went from once a month to twice a month and once my husband moved out and we knew we wanted that permanent commitment then it started being every weekend... then shortly later he gave up his entire life in his state and he moved in with me.... now we are building our life together.
if you talk every day that's a good thing... but if he never says he misses you does he show you he does. MY bf does not say "miss you" and never says "love you" but he does. he misses me. he loves me. and I know this because even though he does not tell me HE SHOWS ME. Hugely. I have learned that ACTIONS speak louder than words.
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