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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm 16 years old and i live in England. Last summer while on holiday in the Carribean I met a beautiful American girl. We both liked each other but were too shy to say it to each other so we exchanged e-mail addresses and when we got home we started emailing eachother. After emailing and talking with each other over a messenger program for hours on end each night we realised we liked each other and after a few months we fell in love. Since then the relationship has grown stronger and I love her more and more each day. We found it tough to have a relationship because of the distance and all I want is to be with her so I thought about moving to USA to go to university so that I could be with her. She loved the idea and our reltionship was going well because there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Recently however I decided that I would stay in England. Although she wants to be with me she wouldn't be able to pack up and move to England for university so she is planning to stay in USA. This led to us talking about our relationship and just having a look at it. I wanted to continue it because I would be able to see her at least once or twice a year during university during holidays if I wanted. But then she let slip that this wasn't the way that she pictured her high school years. She pictured herself going to lots of dances and having lots of boyfriends. This broke my heart because it was my fault that she couldn't do any of that. So I tried to figure out a way of letting her do all that so I thought of the idea of a non-exclusive relationship. She objected and said that she wouldn't want to go to a dance or go out with just anyone and that it had to be me, her boyfriend. She said that she didn't care about the dances and she thinks its better the way it is now. I know that she wants to do all those things and if our relationship works in the end I didn't want her to resent me for taking away her high school years, because even though I live in England and don't know anything about American schooling, it is a quite important time. So last night I broke up with her. I fed her this rubbish about how the relationship was too hard for me just to hide the truth and I don't think she knows really why I broke up with her. It was very sad for me because I am very deeply in love with her and want to spend the rest of my life with her and she knows that. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she is my best friend and we've agreed to be friends right now. I just want to know whether I've done the right thing or not because the way I saw it, either she'd be unhappy or I'd be unhappy and I picked myself to be unhappy. I just want to know if I should get back together with her immediately or just be strong and let her enjoy her high school years.
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female
reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (13 July 2005):
How awful for you both!! I think you should tell your girlfriend that this relationship is postponed, not over, until you both finish your studies. When you have both finished your studies, you can decide if you still want to be together. Keep in contact via email, share your thoughts, but it would be unfair to ask someone to wait that length of time, so it is best just to be best friends during your years of study. If you both truly love one another, you will be together one day, but stay in contact!! Take care. I'll be thinking of you both.
A
female
reader, salem +, writes (12 July 2005):
You are wise, now you just have to be strong and stick it out. Giving your American friend her freedom now, will prevent a lot of heart ache in her high school years. --And she hasn't lost you- she still has you as a friend. Stay in each other's lives, and be there for each other, and when she is older, you can always try the romance again.
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