A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My eleven year marriage recently ended. For the last two years our relationship declined to a mere roommate situation and during this time frame I became very lonely, but because of my belief in maintaining a monogomous relationship I never steped out on him. Now that the relationship is over and we're living in different homes I've found out about several of his outside interests! I'm so relieved this relationship is over, but why am I so angry at him now?
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 I think you are that angry because it does not matter that you are already separated, you feel betrayed and rightly so.
Try not to let it consume you though, you need to live life for you now, and if you carry on with this anger it will more than likely have an impact on the next relationship you have.
Take care.xx.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (29 June 2007):
 I can totally understand where your coming from, my almost 20 year relationship ended in 2005 and when my ex was here and we were in separate rooms it was annoying that he was talking to other females online or going out to see them as I just wanted him to wait until he moved out.
Once he did I was annoyed that he had been able to move on from our long term relationship so quickly and I was the one going to social events as a loner. I wanted it that way but it didn't stop me from being angry.
Us women are more emotionally attached to a failed relationship and men seem much more able to switch off and move on. I think it is just the difference between men and women.
You need to find things that you enjoy as you are number 1 now and you don't have to think about what HE wants anymore. If you like going out dancing or socialising then do it. Widen your circle of friends and keep yourself busy.
I think if you are being a stop at home woman right now and not getting out into the world so to speak then whatever he is doing is going to aggitate you.
You need to move on from him but you must do it in small steps as it will be too much of a shock to you otherwise.
What are your interests? Do you have any hobbies or passions in your life, whether it is dancing, gardening, cooking, flower arranging I am just trying to give examples here.
Do you have any children?
Do you have any pets?
Don't sit around moping, you need to stay active. Do you have good friends around you who are constantly saying come out let's go out etc?
You need to make the first steps and the rest will come easy to you.
Switch off from hearing what HE is up to, he is no longer your problem. Just think you get to have the remote control to the TV now and you don't have to put up with any of his annoying habits.
I found that when my daughter went to her daddy's at weekends, the place was really quiet and I felt lonely then, so I bought myself a new radio and had it on constantly. I took myself to the pictures on my own or hired out a DVD for the night.
I used to have to make myself go out to social events even though I would have been much more content sitting at home infront of the TV and I was so nervous about going out but you do overcome your fears and apprehensions.
Make some plans, whether that is for a holiday or visiting relatives or friends. Be active.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you and who knows about the fantastic guy waiting around the corner but he won't meet you if you don't get out into the world again.
Forget your ex he is ancient history.
We are only here once so make the most of the rest of your life eh!
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
P.S. If the anger won't go away perhaps talk to a relationship counsellor as you don't want this anger to stay with you for the rest of your life or it may spoil another relationship in the future.
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