A
female
age
41-50,
*istressed29
writes:I have been married to my highschool sweatheart for 8 years now, but we have been together since we were both 15. He's now 30 and I'm 29. We just had a daughter last year. My husband is a wonderful guy, he's courteous, sweet, do it yourself'er will help out anyone in need all around great guy and my family loves him to death....BUT....he lacks effection and libido. When we first started dating we were great he hugged me, kissed me, held my hand, we used to just make out for hours...we were like bunny rabits for a lack of a better way to describe it. Before we even wed his was already showing a lack of effection but I thought it was just me, I have been telling him throughout the years how it was bothering me, I myself though ok I will just envoke the attention, so I would start kissing on him and he would just pull away, even if I tried holding his hand he would do the same thing, the past 2 years I have given up trying to get some effection from him. I have completly lost my self confidence. I have put on a bunch of weight I have stopped trying. Now we maybe... have sex once to twice a month and thats me asking him for it not the other way around. I think he wouldn't care if we ever had sex! Now I'm to the point that I feel like I'm threw with it. I though maybe us having a kid would help void my want for affection but now it has just complicated everything even more!! I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, I love her more than life itself I just wish I wouldn't have brought her into this mess. I don't want my family to be another statistic. I want to save our marriage and myself my health is going down hill from a lack of self worth. I know he's capable of showing effection, he show our daughter tons of effection he kiss and hugs her all the time and tells her how special she is and how beautiful she is how much he loves her. I just wonder where's my LOVE, does he still love me or is it just my imagination, I really don't think he sees a problem with our relationship, his parent are the same way. But I'm just tired of trying with no recepication. Please help me save my marriage, I'm desperate!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, starguy +, writes (24 August 2011):
Print out what you just wrote, unchanged, put it in an envelope, unmarked, write his name on it, write his name on the envelope, and put it in his briefcase, in his lunch, in his car, on his desk, in his bathroom on his throne, in his favorite car, or in his man cave garage, for him to find.
I'm serious. Do it. If you're husband doesn't realize it, then be fair to him, and tell him.
If your husband was standing out in the street, talking to you, and a truck was coming that would obviously hit him and you, but he's facing the other way and doesn't see what you can see, you'd tell him, wouldn't you, that you both need to get out of the way asap? You owe it to him, to warn him, he is your other half.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I truly feel for you. My wife has never really seemed to want my affections after we got married. We have two beautiful girls, ages 4 & 6, so that is where my affection goes in full force after they were born. I don't know how to help you except to talk to him about it. It may be that he's just bored, and if he is, try something exciting and new for both of you. I'd say he's a very lucky man (or quite possibly very stupid)if its his wife that initiates the lovemaking!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): "I want to save our marriage and myself my health is going down hill from a lack of self worth."
"I know he's capable of showing effection, he show our daughter tons of effection he kiss and hugs her all the time and tells her how special she is and how beautiful she is how much he loves her."
This is important. You know what he is capable of, he is not doing it, so something is going on in his head.
"I don't want my family to be another statistic."
Tell him what you wrote here. In fact, print it out, sit down with him, and talk with him, and tell him you don't want to be another bad statistic on marriages.
Tell him you are desperate for help.
Tell him you want to go to a counselor for help. He won't want to do this. Tell him you are going, whether he goes or not, and if he loves you, and loves his daughter, he will be there in that office beside you. Find a counselor you can trust and work with, and work it.
"his parent are the same way."
Which is where it all starts. How are your parents?
This can be worked out. But it takes work on both parties part. Hard work. They both have to be Honest, Open, and Willing....which is HOW it works out.
FYI, I've done this, and it was hard.
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A
female
reader, Sweet Cutie Pie  +, writes (23 August 2011):
Hello dear :)You know guys always have a tendency to show an over affection to their new girlfriend. However, as time passes it seems like now they do not need them anymore.. I would not really say that it is because there has been a decrease in love. Maybe the sparkles that existed in your relationship has been lost which you'll have to achieve anyhow. As you mentionned you have become fat..which now you should eradicate. You should go on a strict diet and gain a right figure that would attract your husband towards you. You can also plan holidays with your husband for example a few days out of town all alone ( if possible given that you have a daughter). Why don't you do things that shall remind your husband about how fun your early days were? Arrange for a sweet candle light dinner. Buy roses for him. Buy some attractive dressing gown and roses perfume to wear at night which shall attract the attentions of your husbands.What i want to tell you is to get out of the same daily boredom routine. Try to give your husband some new ways of romantic time. :) I hope this gona help. If not then the last resort is for you to confront your husband directly and ask him why he is behaving so :)I hope this helps you outTake care
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