A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help Please,I was recently married to the most amazing man and we are very happy. We have been together for 7 years and have a very healthy relationship. The problem is that i am very much ready to start a family but he isn't. I obviously don't want to pressure him into it as it's a life long decision but having turned 30 i don't want to wait too long.Do i wait patiently for him to be ready and risk him not being ready for years, or do i put on some pressure? We did discuss having a family before we got married and he said he does want to just not yet, but we are still 'just not yet'.I would really appreciate some advice on this one, especially from men who have been in the position of not being ready.Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I'm in a similar situation.
Did you discuss a time to start a family before you got married?
7 years is a long time to be in a relationship and still not be ready.
My first reaction would be also to say that perhaps he wants time together just the two of you before you extend the family - however have you not already done that in the past 7 years?
There isn't really any easy solution to this. Perhaps the 2 of you can talk and set a time frame when you can aggree to start a family together. Maybe a year or 18 months, find a comprimise if you can.
Best of luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I agree with the first response. Maybe he wants to spend some time as a husband before the tornado of dirty diapers, screaming, and sleeplessness that are the hallmarks of being a parent. He might just want to have you to himself for a little bit before he has to share your love with another.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Hi - I have two questions to ask him:
1) Why doesn't he want children now?
2) If not now, when?
Richard
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 You have been together for seven years now. I suppose this should be more than enough time for him to be sure about you. And then, he just married you. I have the feeling that the problem here is that he doesn't want any children. This is not about giving him "time" or "space". He said it clearly, before you got married: he doesn't want a family just yet.
I believe that the best course of action would be to wait. If the tables were reversed, and you weren't ready, would you like it if he pushed the issue?
Of course 1) it will be difficult and 2) you have every right to want children.
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 I believe your husband is being insecure about having a child when he thinks he isnt ready to be a good father. Talk things with your husband and figure out the REAL reason why after all this time it is still " just not yet". Let him know that this is the perfect time for the both of you to start a family due to the fact that you dont have forever and time is ticking. Dont pressure him but figure out the real reason he isnt ready and make him feel that the both of you are an amazing team that can raise a great family. Good luck to the both of you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Can't say I have experience in anything related to this problem, however, it seems as though you should give him a little bit of space. If you just got married (specify how recent it was please), then maybe he feels that he wants to give the relationship a little bit of time before you take that next step. Also, it's possible that he wants to savor this moment where it is just both of you in the relationship.It might be easier for you than him to make such big steps in your life. He obviously loves you a lot if he married you and it might just take him more time to take the step to parenthood. For now, work on your relationship and concentrate on the two of you.
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