A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30 and I have been with my 25 year old girlfriend for 2 years. The sex has never been good for me at all, my partner orgasms 2/3 times when we do have sex and she is very easy to please. I can orgasm but its difficult and I have to be very horny. We are now down to having sex just once a week. I have had this problem before with partners that I am not so sexually attracted to. I guess the issue is size and breasts as my girlfiend is a foot shorter than me and has very small boobs. It just doesn't feel that good for me when we have intercourse. We have tried everything (foreplay, costumes, positions, outdoors, camera etc) and nothing seems to work.I guess at the start of the relationship I loved spending time with her and used to make the effort to have sex with her more, I had to fake orgasms and would just cum once a week.When I was single I would masturbate 5 times a week. With some ex-girlfriends I've had sex with them up to 10 times in a single day and really enjoyed it. I've never been super sensitive down there and I rarely cum from BJ/HJ's from girls. Some girls during intercourse though have made me cum embarasingly quickly, usually when it feels so good you can't hold back.I had a threesome just before I met my girlfriend, although the girls has similar bodies the one really felt good when I was inside her and the other I hardly felt anything. Is this to do with particular vaginas?Every other aspect of our relationship is great, we live together, are good friends and we have a great home/love life. This is the reason I got together withher, because of how well we get along and how much I love her. I thought I was being mature by selecting a partner I was more emotionally compatible with than just going for a blond with huge boobs :) my home life has benefited from this decision as in 2 years we have had just two very minor disagreements. Unfortunately the sex never improved as I hoped it would.I kind of miss having great sex which I used to have when I was dating. I know she wants more regular sex but it just isn't working for me. I've been very honest with her although I think she believes that if I cum it has been good for me. The truth is most of the time not even cumming feels that good as it's such a struggle to get there.I went 6 months without masturbating when we got together as I thought this could be causing issues and I'd be more "interested/receptive". This didn't help and masturbating for me, is not as good as great sex, but it is 100 times better than sex with my partner.Because we love each other so much it seems sad/foolish to break it off now and it would break both of our hearts.What can I/we do? Should I break it off?
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Gosh. I have a similar situation, kind of. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man I get on with on so many levels. I love him to pieces and we laugh so much together and understand each other. Plus he's a really decent guy and lovely person.The problem is we don't seem to be sexually compatable, but it's the other way around... I find him very attractive and want to work on our sex life and have more sex. But he seems dissinterested. He is happy to have sex once a week or fortnight, but I know he masturbates. I've questioned him about whether it is because he doesn't find me sexually attractive and he firmly denies this and says I'm very attractive. But, like you and female anonymous, he must simply be not that into having sex with me, as he avoids it and just isnt as interested as I am.Now this is incredibly painful for me to realise that we're perhaps just not sexually compatable, as sex is a big part of a relationship for me. If the sex isn't there, the passion isn't. He was very keen at the start but I've always noticed he wasn't that great at kissing me passionatly, which is a bad sign I guess. It's so strange! I find him soooo attractive but in the sheets it can seem so awkward and like something is missing. Although we've tried different things and its the best sex I've had. I think he's just not into me in that way. And that really, really breaks my heart sometimes. I've cried and cried over his rejection.I guess I just have to mourn our sexual potential and try to talk to him honestly about how he feels about our sex life. He says hes not as into sex now he's 40 but I think thats just a cop out to be honest. If he was sexually attracted to me, he would be more willing to have sex and not just avoid it untill I get upset that its been a fortnight. I think if we were open about it, maybe we could work on getting that sexual spark going.I dunno :/ Wouldn't it be great to fall in love with someone who was our perfect match in EVERY way. They say the best you can hope for is 80% so you just have to find a way to compromise on the 20%. If you're emotionally and intelectually compatable, then you should be more able to work on sexual issues somehow.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): I have the same problem as you, but the other way around. I'm a girl and it's my boyfriend who doesn't really interest me that much for sex. I find him attractive, and I like the way he touches/kisses me. But he's overweight, his penis is not big enough for me to feel something and he doesn't have a lot of stamina. But he knows this and bought me sex toys so I could come after him.
It depends on how much it bothers you. I miss good sex I used to have, but I had it with people who mostly treated me badly. I think that the sex was good because I felt the added effect of mystery. I didn't exactly emotionally posses the man I was currently with at the time and it made me horny. I came to that conclusion recently when I was thinking about my relationship.
I do not picture myself with any other person than my boyfriend. He understands my quirks, he makes me laugh, he rubs my back at night and actually enjoys it! He takes care of me and lets himself be taken care of. He's the perfect guy and he makes me smile everyday. But the sex is not great and I don't mind. Because he's naturally excellent at everything else. And I accept this imperfection. But if you don't accept it, it might be more painful later on to separate.
It's ideal to have great sex with your loved partner. But since I've never really loved anyone and had great sex at the same time all I can really tell you is ... hang on to her. You sound like you love her and have a fantastic time with her. I'm saying this since I'm a woman and maybe sex is not that important for me. But even if it feels silly at first, try to experiment with sex toys, lube, etc. That's really helped me try to achieve orgasm when his member isn't enough. Maybe there's something out there that can satisfy you. Do you feel physically attracted to her? or is it just her vagina? It's rare to find someone who really gets along with you that way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): you can watch some porn film together! maybe she understand what you want! If she like sex lets experiment with ED pills! When I was young I think that is use only for Impotent but when I try it it was the best impression from sex! I want sex more and more! My orgasm was longer then usual and my girl was the happiest in the world! Sometimes I use Cialis Kamagra but the best is Viagra I want to say you to do something!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): sorry m8 there is nothing to help you with in this situation
but i can say go to doctor and tell him the following
and maybe a drug would help
best wishes
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): No i dont think so dude ,sex is such a up down thing in a relationship,my girl isnt as active as me,but as far as the rest of the relationship goes there will always be something going on ,its just a matter if you want to make it happen ,is she worth it is the sex such a major part that you cant look at anything else good in the relationship tell her, you just need a break from it ,jerk off more in the mean time but if you have a good thing and its the sex that is the only hard (or not hard)part than to me thats not a good reason to leave unless it means more to you than the rest of the good that you share ,tyr not to think to much mabe try calling her diry degrating words while taking it home she may like that and you get a feel of domination.
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