A
male
age
41-50,
*amoxiepox
writes:This girl and I have worked together for a little over a year. I never really talked to her much until around July. We seemed to hit it off and we would hang out every lunch and break. I found out she had a boyfriend and I was fine with that. We still hung out. Maybe about a month after that, it got a little more serious. She told me she would want to get with me but she didn't want to cheat on her bf. I understood that and we've continued to be friends. The thing is, she broke up with her bf about a couple months ago and I thought I would try to make a move. I gave her a little time to get over him and then made my move. I told her how I felt and how I wanted to be with her. She told me that she didn't want a relationship right now and she was gonna do things for herself. I accepted that and haven't brought it up since. At some point around this time we had sex and she said we could continue to play around. Of course I was excited about that.So here's the issue. About 2 weeks ago she called me and told me about wanting something she couldn't have. Later she told me that she wanted this guy and she couldn't have him. I was kind of upset, obiously.I feel weird about it because I feel like she's all that I want. Like I'm under her spell or something. I hate it. And since we first started being friends, our friendship has kinda slowly gone downhill. And that also hurts. At this point she barely talkes to me and only calls or texts me when doesn't have anyone else to talk to (it seems anyways).I feel like that if I didn't want to be with her then i wouldve ended this long ago.What do I do? Do I stop talking to her? Stop being friends with her? Do I tell her how I feel?Thanks in advance
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male
reader, Jamoxiepox +, writes (10 January 2012):
Jamoxiepox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright. Ill say that to her. It makes sense and I've been trying to make minimal contact with her.
One thing though; what do I say to her when she asks me about if or why I don't want to be friends? If that makes sense. Lol. Also, do I continue talking to her after I tell her that? Do I wait for her to contact me and contact her right back? Do I wait?
I know I said one thing so ill stop there :-P
Thanks for the help!
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Tell her what I said. The reason why you should, is becuase it will be on her mind, you won't come off as desperate, and give it a bit of time, and she will be calling you. You will have the upper hand, and you will be the one calling the shots.
She will then be more interested in you, as you are a commodity and not her. Then, and only then, will she be interested in getting to know the real you. If you believe that you are a person worth getting to know, then this strategy will get you to the place where you want to be.
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A
male
reader, Jamoxiepox +, writes (4 January 2012):
Jamoxiepox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all the help. I was pretty sure I should just move on and forget about her.
I decided though that I would talk to her about it first. I figured it wouldn't hurt anything.
So she told me she's been going through a lot lately. Like her grandma has been in bad health and she's feeling like crap from her crush and stuff. I know that's not an excuse for her to just stop communicating with me. I thought that's what friends were for. Anyways, we had a decent talk and maybe its better. I don't know. I don't really wanna be vulnerable again. But maybe ill see where it goes.
What should I do?
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (2 January 2012):
 I totally agree with all comments "dearkelja" wrote. Very well written and clear answer! Definitely stay away.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Don't stop being friends with her. Tell her how you feel calmly, and let it go. Ask her how she feels. Does she want you to step up, or give her space?
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 January 2012):
 She is not being fair. In this case, I believe that she has used you to her advantage. I don't think she even intended to be in a respectful relationship with you. She sort of led you on to fill her needs. These needs would be companionship, sexual desire and friendship.The friendship has faded because she has squeezed the last bit out of the tube and for her, she got what she wanted. For you, you had genuine feelings for her. She probably just has you under a spell because for you, this is a challenge.What to do? When you start to have feelings for a friend the last thing to do is sleep with them. Now that you have, you can not go back to the innocent mutually respectful friendship. You can not be friends. You can not sleep with her. You should not talk to her and if you can, avoid her. You must move on for your own sake and find someone who "wants" to be with you.She will not like this but just remember...she has feelings for some other guy who doesn't want to be with her. She doesn't want to be with you.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (2 January 2012):
Say to her, "I think that you should go for who you want to go for and make a move." Hit me up if you decide to continue where we left off".
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