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female
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anonymous
writes: What are you supposed to feel like after having sex for the first time? My bf and I have been together a couple yrs, and we slept together the first time (for both of us) last weekend. I thought it was supposed to change the way you feel abt each other -- like make you closer or something. It doesn't really feel like anything is different between us. Is this a bad sign? i love this guy and want things to go well. Why didn't sex feel like some deeply emotional experience? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Sex has been built up a lot in our society. Yes, it can be a magical, incredible and intensely emotional experience with someone you love. But it isn't a magic switch that will create any new emotions. It's normal to feel the same way before and after having sex for the first time. When youi get right down to it, it's a physical act- anything that changes comes from you, sex doesn't create anything (except possibly a baby- be sure to use protection!Preferably both condoms and the pill- take it from someone who knows!).
Because you were both virgins, chances are it might not even have been that spectacular, and you might be wondering what all the fuss is about- it was like that after my first time. That's normal too. The idea that your first time will be a perfect, magical experience if you love the person is a total myth. Like a lot of things, it takes practice to become good at it, and when you're more relaxed in it, then the emotional side will come in, although even then it will only draw on emotions that are already there. So if you love him, just relax with him and have fun. Don't expect too much from sex, it won't change what's inside of either of you.
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