A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this situation is kind of awkward. My bf and I recently got a new roommate. She is fine most of the time, but she kind of had/has a crush on my bf (he thought she was cute in the past, but is totally over it), and used to flirt with him a lot. I talked to her, and she stopped. Everything was fine, no signs of flirting.But last night she came in and out of the bathroom a bunch of times, which is right across from our bedroom door. Upon all of these trips,she was sure to have noticed that the bedroom door was open and that we could see her walking by. On he last trip to and from the bathroom, she walked by totally naked! She is an attractive young woman, and I understand being comfortable being naked and even wanting to flaunt your body a bit, but isn't it weird to do it where she knows my bf can see her? I know there were at least towels she could wrap in if she didn't want to wear clothes. I know that just walking by naked isn't exactly a come-on, but should I be worried if this continues? She's never done this in the 4 months we've lived together, so I'm a bit confused.
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crush, flirt, roommate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess my description was a tad vague. We weren't doing anything sexual. In fact I was doing homework and he was reading a book, just sitting. As we do most nights, because we're boring. The door was open so my stupid whiny cats could come in and out of my room. This is the basic arrangement, and we close the door if we need privacy. I figure we're adults and we should understand boundaries, and I shouldn't have to blind myself in my own house. As for the bathroom, it is directly across from my room. So you can see the bathroom door from my bed.
I don't think there was anything unusual about having the door open. I guess some people always close their door, but I've never heard of it being mandatory to prevent seeing random naked people.
A
male
reader, Jynxter +, writes (13 November 2012):
Reading the responses to you question should leave little doubt to what 'accidentally' happened and what it means... or could lead to. However, I am a little surprised at why your even asked the question. From my perspective... as a guy... you need to understand a few things.
First... whoever decided it was a good idea to let this former friend live with you should have thought about the possible consequences of such an arrangement. You admit that you knew that she at one time had a crush on your bf… and it never occurred to you that she might want to use this opportunity to change the course of their ‘history’ in her favor? When a guy tells you something along the lines… I thought she was cute once… what makes you believe he still doesn’t find her attractive? (Personalities and intellect aside… most people are attracted to others base on looks first. Same could be said for her telling you that she won’t flirt with him again. I’m sorry; I missed the study that says leopards can change their spots at will…lol.
As for making several trips back and forth in front of your door… and the last time being naked… did you both hang around waiting to see if she would do it again… and again… until one of you decided to get our of bed and close the door? (Or were you engaged in some hanky-panky of your own and wanted her to peek in on you so you could show her how much he loves you?) Something isn’t right with the way you described the events because it seems you both keep pretty close tabs on her comings and goings.
Ok… now please explain to me why an attractive person, even one that is comfortable with her body, gets a free pass to flaunt her nudity in front of others? Like you said… it is weird to do it… but my question is what did you do or say after she did? Do you really think that she doesn’t know she could have wrapped a towel around herself like you would?
Finally, please tell me what part of the country you live in where people think walking around naked in front of others isn’t a come on. Unless you are running a ‘nudist’ colony boarding house, I think anyone seeing the naked body of a member of the opposite sex is going to be a turn on unless they are grossly deformed or look like a wolf man… and even then I’m sure that could appeal to some. If you think your BF didn’t have some sexual thoughts when he saw her naked, then you need to rethink your ideas about men and how they feel about nudity and sex.
Don’t expect him to be honest about his feelings on this topic. It is a lot like dealing with the question, “Do I look fat in this outfit?” If he knows what’s good for him… and your relationship… he’ll never tell the truth! I have a rule that all my friends are aware of. “I’ll never lie to you if you ask me a question.. Just make sure you don’t ask me a question that you don’t want an honest answer to!”
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Yea sorry, this room mate would be looking for a new home. Walking around NAKED is OK if this was HER home and she lived alone or with a BF/GF but not at a room mate, that is just ridiculous!
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Hi
Ofcourse she did it on purpose, she knows your doors open.Its pretty blatant 'look at me' behaviour.
Ask her to leave,politely, before you come home and find them together - men are weak and she's after him.
If you get another lodger then you will have to have somebody who isn't bothered by your door being open and doesn't abuse the situation,vet them carefully.
It is your home but it also becomes the lodgers home too,they pay you to live there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. For clarification, we usually keep our door open (unless privacy is called for), so that our cats can come and go. They whine incessantly otherwise! As for my bf's reaction, he seemed like it made him feel awkward. He sees this as our home where we should be comfortable having our door open, so long as we're not doing anything that others shouldn't see. She and I are also friends (from high school), so this is just very weird. I felt like I was firm, but also still nice, the first time we talked about her behavior.
So you guys think that this was definitely an advance towards my bf, or maybe a jab at me? This just seems so terribly un-friendly and makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home. She totally knew the door was open, and then came out naked during her 5th or so trip to and from the bathroom.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Oh I definately think it was a come on and big fat slam to you miss girlfriend. If you plan to continue this living arrangement (which personally I would not) you need to keep your bedroom door c-l-o-s-e-d. Then start looking for a new room mate and quietly ask her to leave. This is only going to continue getting weird and possibly messy and news flash, men aren't known for their tremendous will-power if an attractive woman is going to blatantly put it out there, sooner or later they're going to be alone in the apartment when you're at work, and she will not hesitate to come on to him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 November 2012):
 "I know that just walking by naked isn't exactly a come-on"
Not so sure about that, seems like one to me. I've had male roommates before and there's no way I would ever walk past them naked.
You should get a new roommate, this woman is bad news and has some serious boundary issues. If you still have time on your lease, close the door when you and your boyfriend are together in your room. If she does it again, leave a note by her door requesting that she not walk around naked.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): Just keep your door closed when you're in your bedroom. And if she tries anything else, you need to have a talk with her. She has no business trying to show off for a guy that's already spoken for. It's disrespectful to you, and it also shows she doesn't think too highly of him. She just assumes because she's attractive, he's a guy with no self control and that all she has to do to get him interested is flaunt her body.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 November 2012):
Hi
Two things.One is to keep your bedroom door closed now you have a female room mate. The other is to ask her to at least wrap a towel round her as its inappropriate to be wandering around naked when theres a man living there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): hey, sister, get a new roommate!
you talked to her and she still does this? that's not friendly at all!
i guess it will be pretty hard to explain this to your boyfriend.. you didn't write how he reacted when you complained to him about she being flirty around him and how that makes you feel bad.. did you?
tell us more about his reaction because that could be the center of your problem.
all the best.
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