A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know what to do.I'll cut to the chase, the shortened story of my life; I am 20 years old and my mum n dad broke up when i was 18. my mum had an affair and she is still currently with him now. They are now expecting theyr first child! My sister is 18 and she knew about it first. when i found out i went to her to tell her and she already knew but didnt know what to say to me. She knew that my mum was pregnant first too; and was apparently upset when she heard. She went away that weekend and was returning on fathers day. She didnt come home til after dinner cause she was "too" upset and didnt want to face me and my dad cause she knew and we didnt. over the last few days we have aruged badly. we share a room and i feel like she is really angry at times and i am quite a touchy person so i usually take offence quite easily. my dad does alot for us, drives us everywhere, cleans, cooks - everything. yet all we seem to do is talk to my dad like dirt! my dad throws digs at me and my sis when we are arguing about us knowing about my mum having an affair and at my sister who went to meet the guy to see what he was like (we were botrh concenred cause my mum said he was an ex drug user to my sister went to meet him, not in a spiteful way towards my dad tho) He has never let this go, maybe me and my sister were being selfish by keeping the affair to ourselves but if we told our dad we would of felt like we were betraying our mum and vice versa, but my mum kept saying she was goint to tell him and never did until weeks later. willing to fogive my dad didnt want my mum to leave and neither did I, although i thought it was best cause my dad was really hurt. so my sister told her to get out and threw her out. i love my dad, but i was always closer to my mum, so i would always sit and talk for hours with her - since i dont live with her, i fibnd myself always sitting in my room, cause im used to that now, and i dont really wanna go downstairs and chat to my dad about my boyfriend or things like that. my dad always moans at us saying that he wishes he was the "bad one" who cheated then we might repect him like we do with our mum, he said that we never talk to him or anything. I feel bad about this, but i dont know what to do . i was always a mummys girl. Last night me and my sis had a huge arguement due to our room which my dad decorated, she keeps sayng how she doesnt like it and its a mess til it is finished, my dad then started shouting at her saying how my mum has probs put it in her head that she should move out (as my sister has been offered a flat at uni halls, my mum said nothing, but everything that is said or done my dad thinks its my mums doing) so i flipped and i told my sister that she either moves out or i will i said some unforgiveable things but i guess over the 2 years it has just built up (as i never really spoke about my mum or dad brekaing up as i foudn it too upsetting and i dont like talking about personal stuff) we appoligsed to each other after but then today i asked her about something that was said yesterday then she started shouting at me saying i always bring things up again, i then started shouting back and said even worse things to her like; when your not here everyone gets alongfine, you cause all the trouble, your own family cant stand you cause all you do is cause trouble (not true i was angry) and that i would never forgive her for the two secrets she kept from me (my mums pregnancty and her affair - not true again, i do forgive her, she was protexting me) i then said all she is living with my dad for is money andf that she is a leach. i feel awful. I was meant to meet my bf tonight and go to the cinema with two of his friends, after this happened i texcted him telling him to forget it, he then phoned up and said he has changed his plans and that they are going to his house so he can text me and i can go round whenever i want, i told him to go to thje cinema and just meet me after - he said no he has already changed things, he would meet me after 11 (this all happened at 6) i said that i was upset and i needed him and could he just stick to the plan and go to the cinema then meet me after it, he kept saying no, i then flipped it and said that david (my ex) was always there for me and he hung up - never called me bacjk i phoned him back, he applogised and said that he is annoyed at me adn has to cool off and will talk to me after he has calmed down. i got even more upset cause i was annoyed and angry adn i just needed to talk to him :( he then said he would text me, he did text me for a lil bit, but then stopped for a long time, and said he didnt even know he had a text, i feel so upset i feel like is isnt there for me tonight, my sister now thinks that all the family hate her cause of what i said and i cant stop crying cause i love her so much and yet i have said hateful things to her, i dont think i have got over my mum n dads break up even altho i am 20 now, and i dont know what iu will do when the baby is born, help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 You really need to be more considerate towards your dad. Someone needs to spare a thought for him please. What has he done to deserve all this? He is trying to do his best to keep the family together and you and your sister are going hammer and tongs at each other. How is that really going to help? Is that going to better anything? She is going through the same pain as you are, and your constant fighting isint improving anything. In the bargain,you are also ruining your relationship with your BF by being bitter and hurtful.
Look honey, what your mom did was a lot to bear, but now its done. She has her own life and she is in her own space. You, your sister and your dad are are there is left of your family now and you have to accept it and make the best of a bad situation.You cannot go on bickering like this and making things more and more difficult for your dad and also for yourself and your sister. You might have been mummy's girl, but now your dad needs you and you have to be there for him. He is doing all that he can to give you the best life possible. Dont let him down. All you're seeing here is your own pain, but take a second and try to think about what your dad's going through.
Get a hold of your life. I know its difficult, but that's the only choice you have, unless you want to continue like this.
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