A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why does he have to make my life so difficult? It's just the little things but they add up and I end up feeling really frustrated. We have a seven month old daughter so I could do without the added stress. I probably sound like I'm whineing but I feel like crying because he just makes so much more work for me. I think he thinks that because I'm on maternity leave, i have endless amounts of spare time but that's just not true. I'm watching my baby every second and doing everything for her, I don't even have time to look after myself properly, never mind clean up my boyfriend's mess as well. I've asked him to try to help me out a bit more and talked to him about how I'm feeling - he says he'll help but within a day or so he's back to being careless or worse he won't respond or apologise at all and makes out like he's the one who needs looking after.Yes he is working five days a week, although it is only a placement for his course so he is not earning any money. He comes home and says that he has been on the go all day and is too tired to help look after our baby. He might play with her for half-an-hour and then declare to me that he is going for a nap! I wish I could go for a nap considering how our baby kept waking up during the night. He just rolls over and carries on snorring, whilst I feed her and rock her back off to sleep. This is happening about three times every night and afterwards I struggle to get back to sleep, it takes me at least half-an-hour usually. He thinks that he can't help during the night because he has work in the morning and will be too tired to get up plus I'm still breastfeeding. The thing is our daughter wakes up at the same time as he does every morning, which means that so do I-I have no choice, to look after her...It's a twentyfour hour job being a parent but my boyfriend thinks that he can do just flexible part time hour shifts here and there, with her. He leaves rubbish lyeing around the house instead of putting it in the bin, he doesn't wash up or put anything away, including his own clothes. I feel like screaming at him sometimes but don't because it's just not in my nature to be like that. Then at the weekend, he'll go out on his bike, saying he hasn't had a break all week and he needs some time to himself. I can't remember the last time in the past seven months when I had so much as an hour to myself much less a whole day.I don't resent my daughter in any way, I love her so much but should I really be blaming my boyfriend for how I feel either? Do I have a right to feel so mad at him and so frustrated? Is there anything I can do to change things? Please help...
View related questions:
a break, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (5 July 2010):
 He's being incredibly unfair to you. He clearly has no idea what it's like, either that or he doesn't care that that's what you're going through. I think you should show him this page, maybe after he reads the answers he might realise the pressure you're under and that this behaviour is unfair and unusual.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLast weekend from Thursday to Sunday I had to manage on my own without him because he went camping with his uncles and brother to go on a bike ride. This weekend I demanded that I should have some time to myself. It didn't work on Saturday but today I finally managed it. However, when I got home he basically ignored me, barely talked to me and wouldn't even kiss me. It was like he was trying to make out that I had done something wrong and that I should feel guilty but I don't think that I should. I'm so mad at him right now for trying to manipulate me like that! Yes, he found it challenging looking after our baby but I honestly can't remember the last time I had chance to do anything for myself like I have had today. But the way he's been acting towards me since has upset me a great deal...
...............................
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (25 June 2010):
He clearly doesn't understand how hard it is for you. Stress to him how difficult it is and if he still doesn't believe you, go out for a day and leave him for a whole day to take care of the baby. Maybe go away for a weekend with a friend. Once he's had his turn and knows how you really feel, he should have more sympathy for you. And if he doesn't learn, then get rid of him.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Hello, I have a toddler at home and I appreciate what you are writing...babies are hard work! You do need some time off, but also the knowledge that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sooner or later your baby will become more independent. I suggest you go to a playgroup because seeing other parents also struggling to juggle everything is therapeutic. I think you should try going on strike at home with regards to your partner and his domestic needs. Don't cook his dinner, don't wash his clothes...ok the house may not be to your liking for a while but he may learn to appreciate you more if you go on strike. You also need some out of the house time on your own or with friends. Make a schedule where you get time off and make him stick to it by removing yourself from the home with him left holding the baby...an hour or two a week is very good for restoring your own energy levels - I demand 'me time' a couple of times a week to prevent myself losing the plot, and my husband works full-time so there are no excuses for your man!
...............................
|
