A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Trouble at home, my daughter and her husband and four children that are well loved by myself and wife. It wasn't bad at first but going on 6 months and her husband hasn't worked a day and she only works 2 days a week. It's getting very tough on my wife and I who are trying to enjoy our lives after raising 4 children ourselves. Seems like we are starting over but having my daughter and her husband who just sits around doing nothing every day is getting real tough and strenuous on our relationship. Please anyone have some insight on what to do. We don't want to hurt our daughter but don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you all. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Be firm and tell them that you cannot go on like this. You are not running a charity and they should be trying to stand on their own two feet. Why doesnt he work? And they have kids and your daughter only works, a few hours, sorry, but i think you have a load of spongers on your hands. I know you love them and they are your family, but hey, we all have to draw the line somewhere. Have a chat with your wife and sit them down and explain the situation to both of them. You certainly should have to put up with this when you have brought kids up yourself in the past. When does it stop, when their kids are having kids, stop it now.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, Cherubic +, writes (27 May 2008):
Sounds like you need to give her an ultimatum. Either she and her husband start working and earning their keep or things are going to be tougher for them. I know you can't just kick them to the curb but you need to be firm with them, they are adults and should not be mooching off of you like parasites. Just sit them down and talk to them openly about how the situation is not only affecting them it is affecting you and your wife's lives you have already raised kids its time to relax and enjoy life at a leisurely pace.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Think of it this way perhaps.. whilst you may think you are helping your daughter you are in fact just prolonging the problem. It is obvious that her husband is not providing the support needed and you are drawing attention away from that by making up for his shortfall. The tough love phrase is correct because how long honestly can this continue? I bet you did not consider doing this when raising four kids?!! Well you are right - you have done your time for that and being a grandparent is a very different role. You are acting as parents to your grandchildren. Please also consider it is a bad impression for those children to see their own father / mother not being active and responsible. This whole situation is not building their respect for their parents. You have done this out of kindness but you are making things worse. So my advice is this. Firstly clarity. Sit down with your wife and agree what you will do. Make a decision and stick to it - you must see it through because to waiver or be weak just means it continues on and on. Secondly tell your daughter and husband what you have decided and give them some deadlines - and again stick to them otherwise they will just think 'yeah yeah its just threats they love us so they will look after us'. Tell them this is for their own benefit and the situation cannot continue. Be supportive but not a doormat in the meantime - they have become too reliant on you both and lazy. This needs to stop so make the transition now. This is not going to be easy but if not now, when?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 May 2008):
 you're going to have to use tough love. you don't want to hurt her, but their taking advantage of your hospitality needs to end.
if you would sit with her and talk, without him, I'm sure his failure to seek employment is bothering your daughter as well.
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