A
male
age
41-50,
*ostSoul1979
writes:Don't really know how to start this? I'm almost 34. I've had a few relationships. Some good, some not so good. Then awhile back I met this girl. We come from different worlds. She's had a really good upbringing. I haven't. Not that makes any difference. Just life was tough for me, but I always try to make my life better. Anyway, we dated for awhile and I fell for the girl. She was absolutely amazing. We connected in a way that I have never connected with another human being before. Our time together was unbelievable. Even she said we connected in a way both physically and mentally that she had never experienced before. She just got me like no one else has ever got me before. She was totally tuned into me.We started to argue a lot. I think a lot of it was because we were so into each other. It was a very intense, passionate relationship. Which resulted in us splitting up. It's been well over a year now that we have been separated. I've made dates with other girls. But cancelled at the last minute. Or I've maybe went for a drink with a girl. Then excused myself. I've never took anything to the next level. The thing is I can't stop thinking about her. Even after all this time. I try not to think about her. I go to the gym. I hang with friends. I keep myself busy, but she's always there. Always in my thoughts. I know I love her, but what's wrong with me. It's over. But I just feel like I am totally lost without her.I hadn't spoken to her in awhile. Then the other day I contacted her to see if we could talk. Just go for coffee and she said she can't. Then she said I shouldn't have contacted her. I apologised. But then she sent me another message after that. I just want to be with this girl, but it's over.What's wrong with me? What's going on? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): Why don't you try to get her back? Tell her everything that you have said here. Promise her that you would never hurt/ leave her again.
Try for as long as it takes to presuade her that you are 100% sincere.
Isn't it worth a try? What have you got to lose?
A
male
reader, LostSoul1979 +, writes (19 October 2013):
LostSoul1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the heartfelt responses. It means a lot to me. I don't want to contact her agin. I don't want to bother her, but at the same time I do want to contact her. If that makes sense? I'm tying to just accept the way things are. I have been for some time now. One of you mentioned soul mates. I guess that's what she is. I don't believe in all that. Or I didn't junk I did. Until now. I guess I've just got to learn to accept this is the way things are meant to be. Get on with my life. Thing is there's a big part of me that is going to wait for her to come back. Hoping she will come back. I just simply don't want anyone else. Thanks everyone and sorry again. Everyone has their own stuff to deal with without having to listen to mine.
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A
female
reader, Bu  +, writes (19 October 2013):
Go after her!! Pursue her.Dont stop.If you really cant stop thinking about her,go and dont stop. Looks like she wants you too. Dont stop. It is so difficult to find someone that we connect,that when we do we have to go after them.
Life is short.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 Life gives you chances. I don't know what happened in the relationship but I am guessing you felt insecure about losing her and that tension caused stress in her life. Your stress became her stress. I really think it's a case of opposite attracts but it only attracts you at the beginning and later it didn't work because of the differences. I don't think she is the love of your life. I wouldn't say you did anything that was drastic to have blown her away. The right person for you is one who understands you and not freak out when you feel insecure. You are in love with what could be. For some reason she was very clear that you two weren't right for each other. Not every woman is going to tell you reasons why things end. You always go back to the reason that it's too much passion. It's not. There has to be something that's a deal breaker for her.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (19 October 2013):
One more thing....do yourself a favour. Don't contact her. When you take one step forward contacting her makes you take two steps back!
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (19 October 2013):
I was in a relationship with a fello that took my breath away. I loved everything about him. We could talk for hours, we could sit together and say nothing. It just felt so right. I don't believe in soulmates but I did with him.
It has been a year and a half since I seen him, heard his voice, a taste of his kiss, the electricity in our touch. If I'm out and about and I get a whiff of his smell. It stops me dead in my tracks. I'm paralized.
Don't be sorry for how you feel. I understand. I too, hope it will get better. I too, hope to find life back inside me. It is like I'm in a field and I can see north, south, east and west, but I don't know where to go. I'm lost waiting for something to bring me back.
I do all the things you are doing. I go to the gym, I'm taking a course, I'm busy with family and friends but it is like life is standing still.
I don't think you and I will ever get over her/him. But we are letting ourselves stop living a rich life we deserve.
Good Luck Friend! It WILL get better.
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A
male
reader, LostSoul1979 +, writes (19 October 2013):
LostSoul1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe sent back asking why I'd messaged her? And that I shouldn't have in the first place. That she still cares for me. But I'm not reading too much into that. Literally word for word she said, ' I can't talk to you, I can't go for coffee. I can't.' Then that I had made things really difficult. And that since we parted, again word for word, her world had been turned upside down and that she's sure mine has too. I just feel like... It's difficult to explain. I lost one of my parents a few years back. I dealt with it. I come back a stronger person. But this... This I actually feel like I'm dead. I feel empty. Like I'm just going through the motions. I've tried giving myself a good shake. Even slapped myself in the mirror a few times. I just loved everything about this girl. Even her imperfections. In my eyes she was just perfect. I know it's all in the eye of the beholder. I know I most likely sound like a wuss, but it's just the way I feel. Is it just a case of this was the love of my life and I've blown it? Or am I just being stupid? I've just never felt like this. We've been finished for so long and I love her just as much now, if not more than since we parted. I'm just not interested in other girls because they just don't come close. And that's nothing wrong with the other girls. That's me. I know that. Sorry everyone.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 October 2013):
I don't think people argue because there's too much passion. How does that make sense? People argue because they don't get along. You might be valuing passion over practical things such as compatibility. It seems that you didn't understand how the break up happened while she accepted it and moved on. You mentioned different upbringing so perhaps she is not used to drama and would try to avoid it? You were familiar with drama so you might think that's the way it is with love?
If she really moved on she shouldn't be sending you messages. Maybe she still cared for you and wanted you to help you to get this closure? Anyways don't have high hopes. Break ups happen not because there is something wrong with you. People should walk away and let go when the relationship becomes unhealthy. You need to learn to separate lovability from the longevity of relationships. When you love yourself enough nothing in life would shake you and cause you to doubt yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2013):
I would say be up front ask her if there is any way she could consider seeing you, so that you two can try and work things out.. That you deeply care for her and would like another chance. If the answer is no ! Then I would certainly move on with my life , go on holiday .. Just something totally diffirent than what your doing now..
Emotions are not like taps that we can turn on and off at will ( if only) so if the answer is no.. Then it will take time for you to start another relationship .. Don't push it though .. You will get there if you have too .
Take care x
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