A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married woman and I had sex with a married man. I was looking for no strings attached sex (the "why" is understandable, but not relevant here) on a regular basis. After our first encounter, I didn't hear from him till 2 weeks later when he sent a text saying how great it was and that he wanted to hook up again. I agreed and he said he would let me know when. Two weeks later after hearing nothing, I sent a text asking if he'd had a change of heart. He said he hadn't, just needed some "time in between" so we wouldn't get attached. Two months later I sent a text asking if enough time had passed. We hooked up again that night and this time we talked. He again assured me that he would tell me if he changed his mind about this thing. It has now been 4 weeks and I haven't heard from him. What's this guy's deal?
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affair, married man, married woman, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (5 June 2009):
 Neither of you are worthy of being loved by your spouses. You are cheaters plain and simple! So please. please please get a grip and not visit your selfish selves upon anybody else!You cheaters amaze me by your cavalier attitudes not caring one iota about your vows! You lack maturity, discipline and common sense!And you wonder why it's a rollercoaster....He wants a piece of ass, you gave it up, now you are yesterday's news, as he moves on to the next conquest and you got the shit end of the stick!Don't like that feeling?...then close your legs!You cant find love in your marriage if you are seeking love outside of it!GROW UP!Objective enough?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your objective advice. Kaylagal, you weren't harsh, you were honest and that's what I need. I guess I already know that this is something that I need to walk away from, it just takes someone else telling me, I guess. I do want to say though that my marriage is fine, believe it or not. That's all I'll say about that at this point. I am such an honest person (yes, even with my husband) so I naturally become a bit confused when people say one thing then do something else. This guy was unable to give me what I was looking for, simple as that. It's time for me to look at my life and decide what I'm going to do. Thank you all again.
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (5 June 2009):
 Clearly you wanted different things, you were looking for an affair, he just wanted a hit it one time thing. There is no need for you to ask what his deal is coz it's clear, he has sex with you once or twice and he was done. It would have been once but you chased him down and he had no choice but to hit it one more time. Please don't text him anymore coz that will make you desperate, and if I were him, I would think you are a fatal attraction.
He is not worried about get attached. He got what he wanted and he's done.
"Two months later I sent a text asking if enough time had passed" If he has an update, and wanted you to know, then he would have texted you. It was over for him, but off course, you had to text him.
Maybe instead of chasing and trying to figure out this married man, you should be investing that time in your marriage.
Sorry to be harsh, good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): well...you seem like a nice woman who is looking for love and sex at the same time...but you are unfortunate to have met a guy like this...you deserve a better guy who understands you needs emotionally and physically.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Well, it sounds like there are no strings. When he wants a "booty call" or I guess "booty text" in this case, he will let you know. It sounds like an affair of the body's urges, not the heart.
He may want a good amount of distance from you because he is afraid of his wife finding out. Or, he is not sure if he wants a committed mistress.
Either way, I see this being damaging in the end to many people. You don't love him, he doesn't love you...just end it.
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