A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay so i am only 19 years old and i have been with my bf alomost four years now, we have a two year old daughter and i have been living with him since i was 16, he is 20 years old. I love our daughter and i would never regret having her. However she was not planned and i did not want to get pregnant, i was on the pill and when i missed one i got pregnant. I had her two months before i turned 17 and she is my whole life now, my bf on the other hand is a different story, when we started dating it was great we really liked eachother and soon i loved him and he loved me too, but things started to get rocky and my feelings started to change. I tried to leave him more then once but he always found a way to keep me there, he would call my cell phone endless times or show up at my house, i knew this wasnt healthy but in the end i would give in to him and stay with him. He has never had a decent sturdy family he always tells me that i am the only stable person in his life and i feel like i cant break that, but recently things have just gotten worse we fight all the time we never want to be around eachother we spend a lot of time apart from eachother sometimes all we speak about is our daughter, recently i have cheated on him with two differnt guys and to be honest i do not feel guilty at all, in the month of november we had a huge fight and in my rage i told him the only reason i was still here was because he wouldnt let me go, the look he got ion his face was heartbreaking and even though it was true i told him i didnt mean it. I dont think i want to be with him anymore but i feel like i still do love him, at times i think i only love him because he is the father of my child and i think i have grown more used to being with him then anything else, i dont want to stay in a dead end relationship but i just cant stand to hurt him, i feel like i have no other choice but to stay i feel so trapped and dont know what to do, im scared that if i stay with him i will just continue to cheat on him and i dont want that either, especially because i just think of just us anymore, i have a daughter to think about, and i am the kind of person that will stay with him just because we have a child. Is that wrong? should i stay or should i go?
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female
reader, JOJOZ  +, writes (29 July 2012):
Hey hun,
How does your bf make you feel? and how did the other guys make you feel?
Regardless of whether you have a baby you need someone that will bring out the best in you and make you feel happy.
Is the love that you have for him more of a friendly feeling? You can still maintain a relationship but on a friendly basis but can you afford to move out and live on your own?
Get in touch, I hope I can help x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): "in my rage i told him the only reason i was still here was because he wouldnt let me go"
In your rage you may have been honest, but you need to work on all that because of the child. You can't fix him, he can't fix you, you need to work on yourself and the both of you need to protect your daughter from this mess.
Get couples counseling, work to end the relationship in a constructive manner, or fix it in a constructive manner.
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A
female
reader, Princessmamma +, writes (2 December 2010):
Wow that sounds exactly like the relationship i was in with my soon to be ex husband holy wow i was reading that and it brought back so many memories and feelings. Hunni i know exactly how u feel. I met my ex at the age of 16 we were together 8 months and we got married when i was 17 shortly after i found out i was prego with my daughter our relationship was amazing at first i loved him so much then things started going so bad. I had my daughter when i was 18. I to had tried so many times to leave him but i loved him despite the fact we faught all the time im surprised my daughter was as happy as a baby as she was then. My ex was all i knew for so long. I was so used to being with him and no one else. I thought to myself i cant leave him he is my first with everything sex a baby and marriage i have to stay with him for the sake of our baby girl. I was so wrong.i thought he would change when she was born but things only got worse. Everyone told me to leave him bcuz he was so horrible to me but i didnt listen bcuz i loved him and all i thought about was my baby. A few months later things were evem worse only he had started physically abusing me i felt so trapped and scared but still i thought to myself i have to stay with him for our daughter. At this point i knew i didnt want to be with him and i was slowly starting not to love him anymore. We moved into our own apartment and thats when i slept with another man. My husband showed no love or affection to me and was not nice at all. Yes it was so wrong but this other man was so nice to me he made me feel like a person. The affair continued the beating continued and i still stayed bcuz of our daughter. I had called the cops a few times and still nothing helped. Finally i tried the only thing i had left to try and fix our relationship as i did not want to be a single parent and divorce him bcuz of our daughter. I spent all day one day cleaning the house getting beautiful wearing a beautiful dress my mom had got me and i made him dinner. I was so excited bcuz i thought this would work. He got home walked through the door and started screaming at me. I calmly let it go and he didnt say anything about the house or the way i looked. I said babe i made dinner. He said about time u do something and i just let it go i was determined to work things out. He made a plate and i was sitting on the couch he was outside the door talking to me and something he said hurt me so bad i said something back. Well he got pissed and threw the plate of food at me. The plate hit me in the face and the food ketchup mustard ect went all over my white dress and the walls floor couch ect. I said get out. He said what and i stoof up and put my foot down i was done i couldnt taje it anymore i screamed get the f out of my house now. This was huge for me bcuz keep in mine this man was beating me. I think he was shocked bcuz he just stood there. I started pushing him and continued saying get out of my house get out get out now get the f out until he was out n i locked the door. He stood outside for a few wondering what had just happened. I cleaned my dress up and he said he wantyed to talk i said no im done trying to fix this im done trying to talk im done were done and im leaving u go stay with ure mom. Longer story short we seperated and i stayed in the apt with my almost two year old daughter. It was the best thing i could have done for myself and my baby. To this day he lives with his mother and we r still separated my daughter and i are very happy and she has stopped having her night terrors and she is a very happy little girl. Its beem a little over a year and i have evem found a new person our relationship is amazing and she loves to be around me and my daughtyerm i could honestly not be happier wioth my life. I am so glad i finally got the courage to stand up for myself and do what i shoulkd have done as soon as i realized he was not good to me. The reason i cheated is bcuz the other person was showing me the attention i wasnt getting from my husband nothing more. Please dont let the same thing happen to u that did to me. Good luck and i hope that helped. Sorry its so long. Much love
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 You have already cheated on him twice. That alone has revealed a lot about your feelings towards him. This is not love, this is mere attachment. You cannot raise your daughter in a loveless relationship. There is definitely care here so there is no reason why you two cannot continue being friends, for your daughter if nothing else.
Be honest with each other. Eventually you two will be able to focus and discover how you truly feel without any pressure.
I hope that helps.
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