A
female
age
41-50,
*ooseygoosey
writes:My screenname says it all! lol I have a big problem (pun intended). My fiance is very small and I am very big. I cannot feel him inside of me when we have intercourse and thereby I am sure that he cannot feel me. We are older (I'm 37 he is 41) and we have been together for almost 2 years. We almost NEVER have sex.... he says he loves sex and that he loves sex with me but I think he is lying considering months will pass by without sex and I have to beg and cry and punch things to get sex from him.I have 4 children (1 with him) and I am very well versed in kegels. I have never had a problem with another partner as far as not being able to please him. My partner has a very very very thin and short penis and I am a very very very wet person by nature... the two are not jiving.He is sort of a prude and isn't into giving oral sex or manual sex or anything other than "thrust, bust, done." He doesn't like to talk about sex or watch porn or even have foreplay. He usually just lays there when we have sex, I've had to tell him recently where to touch me because I felt so empty having sex with him. Now he touches me in those places, but its almost like I'm having sex with a teenager that doesn't know what he is doing. I feel like we don't have sex because he's not feeling pleasure and its more work than its worth for him. I don't know what to do. I love this man, but I can't take this empty unsatisfied feeling anymore (I enjoy pleasuring my partner and I don't feel like a woman now that I can't). Any advice? Please Help this old woman!!
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female
reader, looseygoosey +, writes (15 March 2012):
looseygoosey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your input! I guess I need to explore positions and techniques that will make sex pleasurable for a small man stuck with a gaping hole of a woman...
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Then I think you have a decision to make.
If you've honestly tried everything and he hasn't responded, it is unlikely he is going to change. I suspect with his size, he is insecure with his abilities in bed. Have you tried encouraging him and making him feel like a star when he does in fact pleases you? He may avoid making love to you because he knows he is small and when you do make love, it reminds him of his deficiencies.
I highly recommend that you see a therapist, or even a sex therapist as a couple. With a child in the picture, I know you don't want to walk away from this relationship because a lack of a good orgasm. His lack of wanting to be with you should be explored or you'll simply have to accept the fact that right now is as good as it is going to get.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, looseygoosey +, writes (14 March 2012):
looseygoosey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I've talked until I'm blue in the face, I've even written down how not having sex makes me feel physically and emotionally incase he just couldn't process it when I tell him or so that he could just study it. Nothing. He always apologizes, promises we will do better, makes excuses for why he doesn't want sex, we have sex and then another month goes by with nothing. The only time we have sex is if I have a complete meltdown.I've been satisfying myself since I was a kid, lol, its not the same thing. I need the emotional bond with him as well as the sexual satisfaction. My marriage of 10 years ended because my ex's drive was high and I didn't feel sexual toward him for many years... Since leaving my marriage, I actually learned to enjoy sex and my drive climbed to the mountains. Now I'm in a relationship where I feel like I'm dating the old me. I can feel both sides of the situation, guilt for putting my ex through this disgust for having to force my partner into sex, sadness that he doesn't want me, fear that it can never be fixed.I have requested the addition of toys and he is completely against it, he doesn't even let me have one for personal use.His wife cheated on him, and I've been cheated on by boyfriends, so I couldn't get a fwb and do that to him. I'm not cruel, just needy! lol Plus, after my divorce I had a couple fwb situations and they left me feeling empty. Sex is much more than just sex to me... if the emotion isn't there then it isn't as pleasurable for me. And right now, I can see that the emotion isn't there from him and it breaks my heart. He is an incredible person and takes wonderful care of me, our son and my other children... I just need this one other thing to improve or I'm destined to be in another miserable marriage.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (14 March 2012):
Sorry to hear about your bedroom difficulties.
If you didn't have a child with him, I'd encourage you to think twice about whether your relationship would really work out. It sounds like you are sexually dissatisfied and sadly there's only a few things that can be done in this regard:
1) Talk to him about your feelings. Tell him that you are not being satisfied and that he needs to step up his game a bit. Whatever you do, do NOT bring up his size -- that will ultimately bring out huge insecurities (and don't say he is a lousy lay either). If his personal space doesn't include performing oral or manual stimulation, then sadly you may have to live with what he is capable of giving you. Another solution would be to perhaps break out the fancy lingerie and make the night all about sex and see if you can encourage him to try something different and break out of his mold. Definitely encourage him when he starts to pleasure you...
2) Satisfy yourself. That may mean bringing out the toys during your sessions (or by yourself).
3) Find a "friend with benefits" situation. This rarely works out and usually causes more problems than they are worth.
There are rarely good answers for these types of situations. Hopefully each party comes to the table to address the needs of the other person -- after all that is the whole point of being in a relationship -- making sure you please the other person out of love.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, looseygoosey +, writes (14 March 2012):
looseygoosey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh, by big i meant my lady parts! ;-p
I'm 5' 4" 145 lbs, he's 6' 3" 175 lbs.... getting it on shouldn't be a logistical problem, but it is.
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