A
female
age
51-59,
*bsticalfree
writes:Has anyone noticed that when the males in your life (co-workers, family and friends) have a woman, either had character problems or a mistake was made i.e. there is a problem to be discussed information sought or advice requested. But when a female tells the men in her life about a break up the men (includes the above and even ex's) will say ." don't waste your time" or he is probably a user , or after sex? Basically the advice almost all the time is that we are better off without him and that we should try not to 'be emotional' or stress to much about what could have gone wrong as men are pretty simple and we should just move on? IT seems odd to me that when a man has a romantic problem it is 'a problem or an issue' but with women it is a waste of time i.e. if he is a good guy we shouldn't have to do a thing but be careful? Is this perception correct?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (25 September 2009):
I read this question with interest but refrained from commenting at first because I was unsure I'd understood the question. Just to clarify - you have noticed that..
a) if a woman asks a male friend for relationship advice, the answer she will usually get will be "dump him, he's a player etc etc"
but
b) if a man asks a female friend for relationship advice he will be encouraged to discuss the issue with his partner.
I certainly think there is some truth in this and, after some thought have decided that it must be due to fundemental differences in the way women and men think and behave.
Sorry to generalise but I have noticed that many men are poor communicators and avoid discussing "issues" at all costs. I've lost count of the amount of times that men have come to me for advice but then admit that they have never ever discussed the issue with their partners constructively. Most women, I find however, have usually discussed the issue (or at least tried to) ad nauseam but without success. Therefore I always recommend a guy talk to his partner before making life-changing desicions but with women I often ask "If you've done all you can and nothing's changing and you're still unhappy - why are you still trying?" I certainly agree with oldersister that many women stay with "unsuitable" partners because they feel they can change them if they try hard enough.
As for men giving advice.... I think they are fairly good at practical advice but not so good at "being supportive" (sorry, another generalisation)Men like to "fix" problems rather than "explore" them. Therefore, saying "Dump him, you're better off without him" (good practical advice) is much simpler than looking at the why's and wherefore's of a relationship breakdown and giving words of comfort to bolster a friends self-esteem.
What are your views on the subject?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Askoldersister that is one great summary of the people that use this site and their motivation for being here.
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