A
male
age
36-40,
*ickc
writes:help! i've been with my gf for nearly a year. We can get on great, but im finding it harder and more often to forget about her past. I now find me analayzing everything,I met my gf 3 years ago, she and her bf at the time and of 4 years came to a party at a beach, she got drunk and even then a thought she was perhaps a bit touchy? Anyway, she split with her bf M around 8 months after, she was then a gd friend and her bf M an even better friend, few days after theyd split me her and friends were out, i ignored her kissing a guy L but later found after taking us all home, shes slept with this guy and went home to her apt where she was still sharing with her ex M! Xmas day comes a wk later in the bar me and her have a gd time drinking as she drinks more she gets closer, i start avoiding her. Due to this shes now with a group of guys, 1 of them who she's slept with a wk ago - L. I tell him hes out of order swing a punch then he disapears, i continue drinking with friends, few days later learn she has woke up in last weeks guys brothers bed! A obv feel sorry for her ex M my mate, then see her go to the toilets a few days later with another guy paul, just a kiss she tells me however meets with him few weeks later and starts seeing him only after managing to meet the first guy L from few weeks back just for sex.She moved away, we had chats thru msn etc and stayed good friends. I didnt know what else she had been up to. Until she's come to my area visiting her mum, i picked her up and we went out her new bf was coming to stay with her the next day, but that night, drink and a good time she was in bed sleeping with me. Next day she met her bf and they finished. We said we'd give it a go. I knew this was bad on my part as i was now best m8s with her first ex. But me and her were good togeva. Problem is i know the above, and have since learnt she met Paul few times yep you guessed it, slept with him while also seen sum amateur footballer not only that, she slept with pauls brother. She said she loved him! I dnt knw what happened with them. But shortly after she was sleeping with her works web guy who turned into the bf that she was with when i slept with her.I find myself thinking about all this more and more, i know past is in the past but thats not a normal past! I look at the way i am with her and a do love her but compared to other gfs i am a less loving, less cuddles, sweet things- a have lost a lot of respect for her. But am writing this coz a do still want to be with her and am looking for opinions on how a can get over her past.Thanks for listening!
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drunk, her ex, her past, kissing, msn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): hi there friend.you know if u really love this girl, u have the power and strength to forger her past. "True love is unconditional" after all sex is only sex...but love is love....no matter what the ods...j.M
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 You knew all this before you got together with her. You aren't in a position to hold it against her now. Nor should you.
You need to decide whether you want to be with her. If you do, then don't make this an issue or bring it up. You have to put it out of your mind.
If you can't do that, then I wouldn't recommend staying with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Obviously the past is in the past. You need to get on with it. EVERYONE has a past, EVERYONE makes mistakes. Maybe you have your own and maybe one day someone would drag that up and you will learn what it must feel like.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Hello. You knew most of her past when you met her but it didnt bother you too much because you didnt see her as a long term partner, it was just a bit of fun. Times gone on and now shes looking like a long time partner you are starting to wonder if shes really what you want, because she was a bed hopper when you met her. If shes stayed close to you over the past year and hasnt strayed then she may have changed since knowing you. She may be happy and content with you and not be interested in others anymore. Its called love and i think you may both have it for each other. Instead of spoiling it now by going critical about her past, talk to her and ask her how she feels about you. You may be reassured by this. We all have a past. Even you. Saying she was meeting her bf but you slept with her so she ended things when he turned up. Was sleeping with someone elses gf a nice thing to do? Try not to dwell on the past. Either love her and enjoy being with her or end it if her past is a serious problem for you. No one has the power to change the past, only how we deal with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I believe fear is the root emotion.Am I making a good choice? Unlike buying a car girls don't come with a carfax report. Am I getting a good deal?.We all want a new car not a rental.How many people drove it and how hard? HIGH MILAGE, A WRECK?
The only way I deal with it is understanding that society has changed and virtue is no longer valued as it once was.I want to find the most reliable model I can because production stopped a long time ago.Loving a person for their good qalities and hoping they won't turn bad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Hi,
It can be really hard to get forget someones past, sometimes we have to analyse things in order to get some perspective of a situation. If she has answerd your questions, and if she has been faithfull to you over the years, you should trust her. Just keep an eye on her a little bit (dont spy on her or do check ups lol, thats paranoid crazy stuff) but just be on guard. If she messes up then its her loss!
But, on the other hand, it must be really difficult for her too, if you do not give her the cuddles, sweet things and kisses etc, then she will end up leaving u for somebody else, i do not think that it is fair, that you are using a form of affection as punishment for her past. You should give her all the love in the world if you 100% think that she is the one for you. If you do not feel that she is the one for you, then it is unfair to be leading her on.
You knew what she was like when you got together, and yes, shes had a her fair share of guys, but YOU cannot change a person, people have to realise their own mistakes and learn from them.
you can only grow together, and respect each other, and love each other fully.
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