A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, I'm 24 and been with my partner 3 years.I do love him but I'm not sure if i am in love with him. After 3 years we only now started going out places because I basically have to keep on at him because he doesn't take me out anywhere.Well last nite we just went to a pub for a drink (first time ever) it was really nice to do something as a couple and I kept on saying thanks for taking me.So we were both a little drunk when we went to bed and he wanted sex, but i was sooo tired because I didn't have any sleep the night before he was like ''I took you out tonight I should have something in return'' As if it was such a chore for him to take me out and i should be grateful.We argue almost every time we drink does that mean theres something wrong or is it because of the alcohol?He says he imagines spending his whole life with me but I find that hard to imagine. Our relationship doesn't seem to be moving anyhwhere, we both said we were going to get a place to live but it never happens. All my friends have been with their partners for less time than us and they all got they own houses and are getting married we just seem to lack the passion to want to move in together or married. I sometimes get jealous of seeing couples together and how in love they look.I really don't know what to do we are so alike he is like a male version of me and I am afraid I won't find someone else who has so much in common with me and I will regret finishing with him.Maybe we are too alike and that's the problem.This is my only relationship so I haven't got anything to compare it to.Is it jus because we have been together 3 years and we just need to spice up our relationship?Sorry it's so long !thanks in advance
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female
reader, dawny +, writes (14 February 2010):
There is a simple answer. If you are excited to see him or the thought of seeing him, if you get dressed knowing he will appreciate it, if you smile when you talk about him it is right. If you spend more time thinking about the relationship rather than having it it is time to go! I wish I had taken my own advice before I married. I would not be in this mess
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I don't think alcohol helps things. It nearly always makes people volatile and say things they don't really mean. At your age I too would want to go out more often definitely to the pub or for a meal and unless he is not working I think it is a fair request. A lot of people sadly seem to operate on the 'trading principle' where I do something for you so therefore you must do something for me. When I was young nearly all the men I went out with expected sex especially if they had paid for an expensive meal and would get cross when I said no. I think with your boyfriend that probably because he was just a bit drunk that he fancied sex more.
If this is your first relationship and you have been together for quite a while you have nothing to compare him too and because you have nothing to compare him against it makes you reluctant to commit. I think if you can that you should take a mini break away from each other so that you can experience who else is out there. I do think that you are getting bored and a bit of space may make you realise what you have or conversely what you are actually missing.
Don't let yourself be forced into getting a place or getting married just because your friends are, there is plenty of time for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Fighting while drunk is because of the alcohol. I had a boyfriend whom I'd never really fight with, except for when we were both drunk and all h*ll was let loose. People change their personalities when they get drunk (everyone does in one way or the other) and you two might just not click together when drunk. Just drink less when going out, or one of you stay sober or only tipsy if the other gets drunk. And that should solve that problem.
Now as for his horrible comment in bed about his "chore" of taking you out and getting sex in return.. In his defense he was drunk. Sex should be something both partners enjoy, and not something to be bargained over or treated like merchandise.
As for your relationship not getting anywhere, you two being so alike could be the cause of that. Why haven't you taken the steps needed to find a place to live? Why aren't you taking him out instead of relying on him to take you out? You seem to push things on him, and if he's so alike you, he probably is waiting for you to do these things.
Go out and make that change in your lives! Find a place for you to live and just do it!
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