A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why has he not text back?I slept with a guy 6 days ago after the 3rd date. We only want a casual thing but i want to know if it is going to happen again. The thing is i asked him afterwards if i would see him again, he said yes but didnt know when.I emailed him the next day and said i liked him, sex was great and i wanted to meet him soon. He emailed back 3 days later saying we would meet soon and he also liked it. (That was now 3 days ago)I emailed him again and got no reply (I know he has read my message) and so today i text him and he never replied. If he only wanted one time with me then why reply to my first email saying we would meet soon. I would have thought that he would have just not got in touch after we had sex if he didnt want to see me again, but he took the time to email me back. It is just weird that he has not replied to both my attempts at getting in touch since. He looks at it a lot more casually than me i think, so am i overreacting???Also, he may not know yet when he can see me so doesnt see the point in replying yet unless he can firm up a date to meet me again.I have now sent an email and a text that he has not replied too and do not want to try and ring him or send anything elso in case i seem desperate. But i need to know whether he will get in touch again?? But seriously guys, if you didnt want to see someone again, would you email them after sex saying it felt good and telling them you would meet soon??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): he is not interested....you deserve better..and women don't generally want a casual thing...
He is more likley married..or with someone else
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo if his interest in me has diminished, does that mean there is no hope of him getting in touch??Why did he say we would meet soon?Do you think if i dont contact him that he will wonder why not and it may recharge his interest?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. So how long should I leave it now? I have not heard from him in 2 days since I rang him. How can I know if he really does like me and will get in touch soon or is never going to get in touch again!?Do his actions so far suggest that he will get in touch?I keep hanging on to the fact that after sex he said we would meet soon. Is it true that he would not have replied after sex if he just wanted to move on?Does casual really mean that you dont know where you are from one day to the next, when you are going to meet again and will get in touch eventually?I suppose I am worried that with long periods of not communicating, he will forget about me so thats why i have to keep getting in touch so that it jogs his memory!
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I would ask you to go over your own question, and carefully read what you told everyone here. If you pay attention to the responses that your friend gave when he actually bothered to repond, it will tell you everything. He has certain expectations about what a casual relationship is. What are your expectations?I understand that for you, having sex with someone equates to being committed to that person. But 'casual' relationships do not work that way.If you keep trying to pin him down, and contact him because of something vague that he might have said, then he will label you with that 'bunny boiler' tag, and run away.Like quiet-echo says, you are not listening to any advice people are giving you, and you are clearly not listening to him. Be assured that he likes you, and wants to see you again, but try to stop pushing him for an exact date, time, and place. Casual relationships do not require the 'firming up' of meetings, they just occur when both people happen to be free that day or evening. Let HIM contact YOU, stop worrying about WHEN, and relax. Some men may find this behaviour a little off putting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so I rang him today thinking that if he didn't answer I'd forget him but he answered my call. He said he was driving so couldn't talk long. I asked if I could see him soon and he said he didn't know when as he was busy working. I said maybe next week and he said yes maybe. I told ji I would leave it to him to let me know when he could see me. Is it good that he answered my call? He would have seen it was my number. Also if he truly didn't want to bother again would he have a) answered and b) surely he wouldve cut me off, said he would call back and then not etc. Does he want to see me again? Will he get in touch?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I've had 2 casual relationships, and I think I've got the hang of it now. In the first i did exactly as you have done, went a bit too strong, and he backed off. Second time round I behaved in a truly casual fashion and he got back to me months later which was fine. And I'd see him again on the same basis. it takes a bit of practise to get these things right, it's an unusual set up for a relationship. Sex on it's own is hard for women but not impossible. is it what you want? I'm 40 and it's taken me quite a while to get my head round it.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy did he send an email after we slept together saying we would meet soon and then ignore my other attempts at contact? Should I text him and make it clear I don't want anything serious, in case he is worried about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. But do you think he will be in touch again? He used to contact me all the time in the beginning. Should I try and call him?
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (3 September 2009):
Well I think he will probably want to meet you soon, like he said. If this relationship is going to be casual, then don't try to plan meetings or expect him to respond in exactly three days. Let it happen at it's own pace.
If you are looking for a 'relationship', that is an entirely different matter. But it seems that now you have had sex, your mindset has changed. You are thinking 'exclusivity', and solid timing of dates. Casual means casual. Now you see me, now I see someone else, now you see me, now I stand you up.
That's why he hasn't texted you back. Why would he? He will when he wants sex again.
If you don't want to be a casual girlfriend, go find someone who wants a deep relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Okey dear first of all maybe there is something wrong with him that's why he didnt reply you .. so you may have to wait.
But if he didn't contact you for the next couple of days i guess you have to forget about him and just move on.. don't call him unless he did nor text him . Or maybe he doesn't wanna text you cuz he doesnt want this casual thing!!
so just move on and don't think alot about it.. u'l just survive .
take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): In my more youthful and daring days (not that I am not daring today ^o^), I would take such relationships very casually. There is no requirement for me to have to respond at all, until I feel I want to. Sometimes, we would email or text each other consecutively, sometimes once a week. At times, I did not even respond until two or three weeks later.
The meaning of "casual" means exactly that. What more do you want from "casual"?
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