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age
41-50,
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writes: So I guess i'm just looking for opinions, hopefully reassurance...My girlfriend and I had been together for 3.5 years. We always fought and argued and were short with eachother and fought in front of our friends. I don't remember when it started, but for a long time I was wanting to date other women. I told her I wanted "breaks", meanwhile i would never date someone else, just kinda take a break. We would be hanging out, and I would have no desire to kiss or make love or touch her. But regardless of my behavior, she loved me, basically unconditionally. She complained about not getting attention, but still stuck by me. She got really drunk on a weekend trip with our friends and was being a complete jerk. I broke up with her September, we didn't speak for a month. Neither of us dated anyone; she texted me and we decided to try again. 2 months passed and she was very agreeable and toned down. I meanwhile, wanted to try and date someone new even more. I broke up with her in the beginning of December, telling her I wasn't attracted to her, didn't love her, never saw us getting married. It's been 3 weeks, and a mutual friend has informed me that she's with a new guy, and is almost positive she's slept with him. I've called trying to get her back; she won't return calls or texts. She wants nothing to do with me. I guess I thought she'd never really sleep with someone else; I of course haven't. I'm having so much trouble deciding if I really loved her or am just jelous that her love for me is gone. I also can't seem to let her go until I know for sure she slept with him. She and I both know that once that happens, it will never be the same, and a reunion is impossible. Thoughts?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 hi leave her alone coz it sounds like a bad relationship you were having anyway. imagine IF she came back to you... honestly... how would you feel? would you have desire to kiss and make love with her? would you not end up in same old arguing routine again? would you now feel like you want to spend your life with her? or once you had her back all to yourself again would you be bored and again thinking you would like to get with with other girls? do yourself and you ex a favour, let it be now and be free to both find someone you are more compatible with, you are too young to be stuck in what sounds like a boring stale marriage where the only excitement left is the fights! so in answer to your question, yes, you are just jealous and i reckon if you had another girl right now you wouldn't be giving your ex a second thoughtxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I say to just move on. You're obviously not that into her. Are you just used to having her around? I think a reunion isn't something to try for yet again after so many failed attempts at this relationship. There's obviously nothing to stay for with her. You're not attracted to her and you don't love her. Move on. It'll be better for the both of you. Maybe you can both actually find happy, true love.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Typical "dog in the manger " syndrome.
You did not want her- but you don't want anybody else to have her.
You were not that into her, but now that SHE does not want you, all of a sudden ,she becomes interesting again.
That's not about love, that's about a screaming ,kicking ,screeching ego.
You wonder if you really loved her- come on, how's that possible ?. You were neglecting her, taking breaks all the time, always thinking to date other women. You were not attracted to her, not missing her, not desiring her, and you did not see a future together. Is this your definition of love ?....
I think what you loved was her availability and her devotion to you; you loved the fact that she loved you.
Try to be more mature and more generous and leave the girl alone, free to enjoy a relationship where maybe she can find what she did not get from you.
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