A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine often brings up "why are people gossiping, there's nothing going on between us".We do spend a lot of time together chatting, several hours at a time. We've cut back on that cos it has engendered a lot of gossip and it's detrimental to his job (another issue altogether, this is a cultural issue which gripes me). But we snatch whatever time we can, and because it's so limited, it always feels rather intense, though it is only conversation; sharing our lives or griping about our problems.I am attracted to him though I've not made any mention of it. I *think* he might be attracted to me as well, though that is purely based on my observation (body language, alot of eye contact etc), which I know is not all too reliable, especially since I have feelings for him. And he's using a pretty intimate form of address now.But that he brings that statement up so often, I'm starting to get the impression he's trying to convince either me or himself. I can't tell if he's trying to subtly tell me he's not interested or that he is but can't afford to be. It's confusing, and to me, the most important aspect is our friendship and would not like to have a silly misunderstanding ruin it. So I hope to have some of your opinions! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 the 18 year gap makes no difference, most men prefer a younger woman, and anyway, you are thirty something yourself so as we get older age gaps are less of an issue.
sounds like he is really interested, but now (from reading your latest post) you seem as if you do not want it to develop further than the friendship you already share. if this is the case you will need to cool off a bit and don't give him any encouragement, because he sounds like a nice man and it is not fair to him if you make him think the friendship will turn into more, if you know that it won't
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your insights! I've thought quite a bit on this friendship and I've decided I value his friendship over a romance. He does talk to me differently, he's more soft spoken and I get a very 'open relaxed' vibe from him. His expression tends to be softer as well, but that could be my biased viewpoint.But now he's upset the status quo. We don't normally touch, though we do stand comfortably close while chatting. Now he allows and invites alot more contact, but doesn't initiate any. And just recently he proactively placed his hand on my upper arm (while saying he's willing to do anything for me). I know, right off the bat, you're going to say he likes me. But our friendship is also such that he feels he's a protective older brother (he's 18yrs older but oddly, the age gap is not noticeable to me). So I'm not sure if he's taking that role seriously or he really does have an interest.And yes, now he doesn't care if anyone sees us together and he has stopped mentioning that we're only friends.I feel I should just carry on as usual and let him decide what he wants to do. And I hope our friendship can carry on because that really is more important to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Are you only talking at his job because he is married or has someone else? Why is the only time you can snatch during the day? I think it's possible this is intense for you but maybe not for him if you aren't seeing him outside the office. Sometimes we look for little cues when the bigger picture is something we don't want to face.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Guys and girls can't be good friends without chemistry happening. I've found this out twice, and both times my friendships ended after we became intimate.
So, the question for you is, Do you think a relationship with him would last?
and
How much do you value your friendship over romance?
It is true that a lot of relationships start off as friendships, but the friendship can also be destroyed if one person doesn't feel the same or if it doesn't work out in the long run.
So really, it's up to you. However if you make a move and he's not into it or trying to push you away then you could lose your friendship. I would guess that he does have feelings for you because guys act uninterested if they really like a girl that's a friend. You're more likely to have a lasting friendship with him then a romance.
A good way to tell if he likes you, start hanging out with other guys and watch his reactions. Read up on body language and male psychology. Google the "push pull attraction" A lot of guys use that technique. But foremost, consider what's the most important to you, your friendship or romance... and I think that it's best to let HIM make the move to take it to the next level if that's where it's going. Keep it safe until then and maintain your friendship. Rejection from him would probably crush you and ruin your relationship.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (4 January 2011):
hi
it depends on how he says it, but maybe he is saying it coz he wants to bring up the subject that nothing is going on because he would like there to be?? just a thought. if he is spending a lot of time with you and you are getting on well and he is looking at you a lot it sounds like he is interested. check out his body language and stuff when he is talking to other friends and see if it differs from how he is with you
xx
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