A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I am in an open relationship with someone, let's call him Bob. I've never liked someone so much in my life but Bob had to move out of the country. We keep in touch and although I haven't seen Bob for 3 months, I can't get him out of my head. He's coming here for winter break in 2 days. I truly love him but he mindplays with me. And today I found out that he was in another open relationship at the time I asked him out. I have no idea if Bob and that other chick are still together. But I often doubt how much he actually likes me but our relationship was never sexual and he's a sweet guy. However, he obviously has no morals and makes stupid choices. When I asked him out, he even told me that he will eventually hurt me and asked me multiple times if I'm sure I want to be with him.Well... he was right. For someone who lives in a different country, he's doing a really good job controlling my mind. However I cannot confront him about this because I'm not supposed to know. If I tell Bob... him and my friend's friendship will break So... any advice? My plan for winter break is to get him feel extremely guilty. I'm getting my friend to message me on skype the same story but into her own little situation. I'll have Bob next to me, reading all of this, hopefully feeling guilty for doing the same thing. Also.. I can't break up with him. It's just impossible. I love him with all my heart and I just care too much to not be with him. So is there any other way to get him feel guilty or maybe even pin him down on the spot? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (19 December 2010):
 My advice to you is to move on and stop trying to change him. At least he was honest that he is a jerk and will just waste your time. Are you really this desperate to hang around for crumbs for some guy who is guaranteed to treat you like crap? Have some self-respect and date decent men for a change. You are only weak if you tell yourself that.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 I don't think you can make Bob feel guilty, because he has done nothing wrong.
You may see as wrong his preference for open relationships, but if it is so why did you endorse it fraction by accepting to be into one ?
He did not force you.You asked him out . He expressed concern eventually he was gonna hurt you, and asked you repeatedly if you were sure about being with him.
You said yes.
Open relationship is the opposite of exclusive relationship, and he was free to date also another girl, or a dozen others.
So, where exactly is the infraction he should feel guilty about ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): "he's doing a really good job controlling my mind" That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard OP.
Open relationship = He's using you. Good for him too I say, he gets to have you and as many other girls as he wants, and you still think you can have him all to yourself if you make him feel guilty about it.
Newsflash OP: He's not going to feel guilty, ever, he told you he was going to hurt you, so he can hurt you as much as he wants because you might aswell have said, "I don't mind, you can hurt me as much as you want and I'll always take you back honey ^_^" because that is what he knew he could do the minute you decided to keep seeing him even though he's a player.
"hopefully feeling guilty for doing the same thing." Hahahahahahaaaaaa!!! Yeah right, he's going to think that's hilarious instead, because he already thinks it's hilarious that you don't mind him playing you even though he was completely open and honest that he would play you.
You can't change him Op, he's not going to come around and be your Edward Cullen.
"I can't break up with him." Tough luck then OP, you just have to put up with the pain and heart break he causes you, the pain he will cause you in the future too because you just basically put the only proper solution to you problem out of the picture.
Just get on with it OP and stop complaining, he's doing nothing wrong, you're the one hurting you by letting him do this. The guys was actually nice enough to tell you the whole situation and warn you what you were getting in to,hwy would he feel guilty about that? He was actually being nice to you. You're the one with the messed up idea that you can guilt trip him into loving you.
Now I may have sounded like I was laughing at you or putting you down OP, I'm not. I'm just laughing at the idea that you decided to get into this knowing full well what it was going to be and now you're pissed because you think things should be different. You weren't played and he's not playing you, he'd only be playing you if he didn't tell he was playing you.
Good luck OP, you've got a lot to learn about guys, a guy that will tell you straight away that he's only going to hurt you is very rare, most guys that do that aren't as honest about it. You're going to get very hurt when you realize how wrong you were not listen to him and will wish you did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): get him to tell you the truth and if he wont tell you that then your relationship with him is worth nothing
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