A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last night I casually asked my gf if when we first started talking and seeing each other 6 months ago, if she was still thinking about getting back together with her ex as they had only just split up. I didn’t mean anything by it as I wasn’t thinking and I just said it because her friend had told me at the time to not get my hopes up because she wasn’t sure what was going on with her ex. I didn’t have a problem with this or anything but she got really upset to the point of not talking to me and silently crying and she said that she thought I knew her better than that and that she would never do something likethat to her ex or to me. Her reaction took me completely by surprise and she even said she didn’t want me walking her home because she felt so awkward around me and that she won’t bring up her past anymore as I’ll hold it against her. She told me earlier that her ex’s mum was ill and I guess that’s how her ex got in my mind- she then sais it was really insensitive of me to ask that when she was talking to me about his mum and that I obviously can’t handle that she still talks to her and doesn’t believe that I believe her when she says she doesn’t talk to her ex anymore. I feel rotten like I’ve ruined things-things have gone really sour. Was it such a bad thing to ask? I knew the answer really as she’s talked about how she got over her ex straight away and wouldn’t have talked to me if wasn’t but it just came out in convo.I didn’t mean to accuse or cause an issue. What should I do?
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male
reader, Kepi +, writes (16 January 2009):
 When u spoke to her about it, was it a casual comment or was there an underlying tone in the question? Apologising can help , but at the same time it can also make the situation look worse because now all u do is say sorry.
Get over it, start to treat her with respect and act lovingly, show her that you care and let her know that you are not frightened to bring up sensitive topics, and theat when they do come up then yuou treat them without any malice.
I have been in this situation myself (several times recently) but we have managed to get thru it, to the extent that I have been able to joke about subjects with her that are painful for both of us.
You need to show that this is a subject that was needed to be asked and doesn't need to become a major issue, buy her flowers, surprise her with a text out of the blue to let her know u love her (don't overdo it - it gives the wrong signals) if she's crying go to her, give her a hug, make physical contact (in a non sexual way) just so that she knows you are there and will help her thru her feelings.
Hope it all works out for you. (the bbc has good advice on relationship issues - check it out http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/comm_listen.shtml)
A
female
reader, wishfulxalways  +, writes (16 January 2009):
 Most girls are full of emotions and baggage. If you push the wrong button then it's on the bad list you go! I'm personally not like that, but a lot of my friends are and their boyfriends are always putting up with it. I know it's not my place to say, but if she doesn't let it go then maybe she isn't worth the argument. Grudge holders aren't a cup of tea. I don't know if I'm making sense to you or what I'm making you feel hahah, but I hope this helps in some kind of way. I also wish the best for both of you and hope that you guys work it out :).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI apologised profusely over and over even though I don't actually think I've done anything wrong. I've been really down recently and I've always been there for her when she is down which is a lot and she somehow manages to turn things around and make me into the bad guy that's upset her again.
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A
female
reader, wishfulxalways +, writes (15 January 2009):
Apologize :). It's hard to say you're sorry even if you don't think you did anything wrong. It's always the thing that everyone dreads. I wouldn't be too concerned, everybody has fights. Everything will blow over and it will be like nothing ever went wrong. Good luck to you :] x
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I think the solution is within the question itself. Why don't you just say to her what you said here?
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