A
female
age
41-50,
*laila
writes:My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years now - happily married for 7 of those years. We recently made a decision to have an open marriage and have agreed to a set of guidelines in place to protect our relationship. I have no concerns regarding this decision. My question is in regard to the following situation - do I or don't I?I have a very close male friend who I have known since college and who I've always been curious about. He is currently unattached. He was friends with my husband and myself when we all lived in the same town but was always more my friend than my husbands. We moved about a year ago but still keep in contact and I have been down to visit him a few times since the move and he's come to visit me as well. My husband travels a lot for work and so all of the visits were just the two of us. We have a great time together but have never been physical. During one of his visits to my place and before the open marriage agreement we had a great weekend where there were late nights, drinks and some sexual tension but did not act on anything. After he left we were on the phone and briefly talked about why we didn't do anything when we had every opportunity. We talked about how he was interested in college and about how strange it was that we never got together while in school but I was with someone else at the time so it didn't work out. He then said we probably shouldn't be talking about it so the topic was dropped. Last time I visited him was late November and I told him about our decision to have an open marriage. It has been one of the few times that I wasn't able to read him. There was flirting happening during the remainder of the visit but nothing physical. He called last week and we talked for a couple of hours. During the conversation he asked when I was going to come see him so we made plans for the first weekend in February. I think I've made myself clear without coming right out and asking him if he is interested in anything further now that I have the green light from my husband. My husband knows that I'm interested in him physically and is okay with it. Please note that I'm not in love with my friend and the open marriage agreement with my husband wasn't made because I've wondered what it would be like to be with my friend. My friend and I have a great time and he's physically attractive but in no way am I looking to replace my husband. I am interested in a friend with benefits situation. Do I talk to my male friend before the visit and spell it all out to get his perspective so I know how to proceed when I get there?Do I just wait until I get there and feel things out? (It is the first visit since I've told him about the open marriage)Do I seduce him? I don't want to ruin the friendship and I'm not an oblivious woman who reads into everything...this is a new situation for me and I would like some outside perspective on this. Thank you!
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 January 2010):
Agreed, your all adults, talk about your interests, and what it does and doesn't mean. You're not looking to replace your husband, but interested in a freinds with benefits relationship. Like you did with your husband, you need to establish rules that get STUCK to. Monitor the relationship to insure that you're not violating any of the rules and if you cross a line STOP and reconnect with your husband.
You need to protect your primary relationship and NOT let the secondary one trump it in a fit of lust. Keep an even head on and you should be fine.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 If I say go ahead and your husband is upset or you lose a friend, don't blame it on me!
I think if all of you don't make a big deal out of this, and are open minded, it should be fine.
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