A
female
age
36-40,
*enrietta
writes:I have recently got back from a year travelling. My boyfriend and I met one year before I went and as it was something I always wanted to do I decided to go anyway and we decided to try and make it work as we really liked each other. We worked at it and stayed together for the year I was away, although I did cheat on him once which he knows about and has been quite understanding about. The problem is that the relationship has been strained and has left me feeling quite unhappy since I got back about 3 months ago, I have lots of guilt over the cheating incident and his mother passed away about a month after I returned, adding to this we both still live with our parents and can't afford at the moment to move out due to financial problems! I've been unemployed since I got back finding it extremely difficult to find work. When I think about all these factors I think maybe this is why I am so unhappy as how can it be him when we were so happy before I left? Certain things irritate me about him such as not having passed his driving test and making little effort to do so, he doesn't have many strong opinions on things and mostly just agrees with me which is another thing driving me mad. It may sound a bit petty but these things have really started to bother me even though they never did before I left, I know he is going through a lot with his mother passing away but he is nearly 30 now and I just think it is time for him to grow up a bit! We had a short trial separation initiated by me but ended up giving it another go, the relationship is not going well at the moment but I can't help thinking is it because of all these factors and things will work themselves out?! I am so confused as to what to do right now. I can't seem to motivate myself to do things I used to enjoy and although it sounds weird I seem to be forgetting things a lot and I don't know why. I feel so trapped, most of my friends are settled down and although it helps to talk to them I think I am in need of some outside advice. What an essay!
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female
reader, ilaila  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Well, there do seem to be a lot of stressors in your relationship right now but I guess that's a good time to see what the relationship is really made of. If you guys can communicate through all of this and come out stronger then great, but if you're trying to change/work through things and he's not doing the same then maybe this is the beginning of the end. Based on what you said you need someone who is going to challenge you, be intellectually stimulating and self-motivated. If he's not meeting up to what you need then find someone else who does meet those needs. I wish you all the best.
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