A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been talking to this guy online and on the phone for about 2 months now. We get along really well and have done from the start. From all our previous conversations i took it he wanted something serious as he has spoken about kids and asked if i would have anymore, as i already have a daughter. Last night thouh when we were chatting he asked me what i thought if he was just looking for fun. I told him im not in to that as i am almost 30 years old. He is 31 by the way. I have never got the impression that he was just after sex. But because i said Im not into that and he wont get it from me he said that maybe we should stop talking as he doesnt want to hurt me. Im confused about what he wants now and dont know why he has changed all of a sudden. can any guys help me understand this better? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): I can see why you would be confused, so lets try to work it out logically...
The internet makes things a little easier for people to mislead others, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not.
There are literally thousands of men (and women) with profiles online just looking for casual sex. This seems to be at epidemic proportions and finding casual lovers is as easy as picking up a can of peas. Of course there are also many people looking for a real relationship and it's just a case of being smart and trying to find out as much as you can about someone before you agree to meet.
The heart is a strange thing though and women and men, especially those who may be experiencing some loneliness or lack of self esteem, or others just going through a tough time can and do fall all too quickly once they make a connection with someone, even if it is just via a few e-mails or phone calls.
As tough and as hard as it is, you have to act smart and be open and honest about what your looking for, either long term or casual fling or somewhere in between.
Your confused by this man because initially he wasn't being honest. He had a hidden agenda to 'just have some fun' but used his charm to win you over. Perhaps he wasn't entirely sure what you were looking for either. You formed an attachment to him before really getting to know him and when he revealed his true colours, it shook you. Now he has asked not to keep in touch (as he clearly feels he isnt going to get no-strings fun from you) your feeling slightly abandoned by the person you imagined he was.
Break ties with this man and move on. Don't stay in touch by phone or e-mail as now all the cards are on the table, it is evident your not suited to eachother. Eventually you will begin to feel better and it should boost your self esteem to know you made a good choice about your life. Be true to what YOU want and find someone who wants the same.
I wish you lots of good luck for the future.
A
female
reader, paupi  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 If he already tells you kind of clearly what he is looking for, you can see where it will end up if you dont stop this. Better to stop this now, b4 you are getting too much hurt. I can guess it is already hard for you and sure painful. Talk to him in a clear way and ask him directly what he wants. But I am afraid it is not "true love". By the way ... can true love be found online?
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