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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So I'm pretty upset...been chatting to this guy for a month...we have talked every day for hours. We get on really well or so I thought...similar interested he makes me laugh loads and he was initiating texts like good morning texts etc. He used to call me hot and flirt alot ...like really alot however since our facetime call hes changed.after the call be told me my call made his day and I was such a sweet and kind person. He then instantly made a date to see me. He was sending me goodnight kisses and kept saying how sweet and cute I was and just a lovely girl but has now cancelled our date!! I know it's stupid to be upset but I really liked him. He told me he doesn't have time for a relationship and he wouldn't want to lead me on so thinks going on a date would not be fair as he wont be around very much to see me and hes really sorry. Does this mean he was never really interested in me in first place and I'm just an idiot? Why did he arrange a date if this is what he thought? I dont get it. I'm so confused. Do you think he went off me on facetime but why did he say it made his day. It was going to be my first date since a long term relationship so its put me well off dating.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): Wise owl says it all .. it definitely isn't you . It's him.. he will always see greener grass .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2019): Some guys get-off on the anticlimax, and enjoy practicing their "player-skills!" They use their best cheesy pickup-lines, fill your head with sappy romantic soft-serve bull-manure; meanwhile, there's another female somewhere he's practically duplicating the same lame-game on her.
If he's a narcissist, he's getting a cheap-thrill, narcissistic-supply, and his royal-jollies from letting you down. He's probably married, or has a girlfriend; and trolls the net for lovely-ladies in his spare-time.
Online-Romeo's are a penny a dozen, sweetheart! Don't even let your feelings get hurt. If he's the kind of a dude I described above; you'd be running with the devil. He might get his ooze and slime all over your life; and do untold emotional-damage, given half the chance.
Don't fall for gratuitous or piled-on compliments, and sappy sweet-talk! That's cheesy greeting-card romance-talk that sounds sweet, but really stinks!
It's meaningless and usually comes from a very shallow soul who enjoys soaking-up your attention, showing-off his phony-charm, and hoping he can get you hot and bothered. He'll bail at the last-minute; and wait to see how desperate you are. He'll count your messages and desperate call-attempts; but he won't answer them. He'll simultaneously pursue another female he is most unlikely to get; but will keep you on emergency-hold. Tossing you a bone and some crumbs now and then to keep you waiting. If he gets the date with whom "he considers" a better-choice, he'll cancel. It will go terribly, because she'll see him for the jerk he really is. She was duped too!
Out of the blue, you'll get a contact-message. Kissy-faces and hearts! Unless you're smart enough to block him. This is online-dating. It's how the dating-game gets played by scammers, trolls, and players.
This is a good learning-experience. Don't be a bobble-head over sweet-talk and compliments. Let the sap roll-off your back, and stop him when you feel yourself getting nauseous. It's the same effect you get when you eat too much candy!
Read this:
"He used to call me hot and flirt alot ...like really alot however since our facetime call hes changed.after the call be told me my call made his day and I was such a sweet and kind person."
Now read this:
" He was sending me goodnight kisses and kept saying how sweet and cute I was and just a lovely girl:"
I had a tough-time controlling my gag-reflex!!!
Read this one too:
"...but has now cancelled our date!!"
Let it piss you off, and hold that thought!!!
You are all the things he described you to be, but he isn't what you thought he was!
Congratulations! You've ducked a bullet. The angels intervened and protected you, and he got waylaid by self-elimination.
Solution: Block, delete, and forget!
God loves and protects you, my dear! Shake your pretty feathers and move on!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (4 August 2019):
one of the situations with ..Online..romance is it is possible...your friend..was talking..to more than one girl.Have no doubt that you did ..Nothing...He changed his mind..as people do.Do not give it another thought...because he is not worth it.Start fresh.meet new people and find the love and respect that you deserve. Best wishes NORA B.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (4 August 2019):
Do yourself a favor and stop wondering what you did. It's a lot more likely that he has issues that prevent him from meeting up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2019):
 I agree, it's impossible to know what he is really thinking,
My advice? Wish him well, block and delete. Simple.
I think it wasn't your facetime that made him cancel. I think it was the REALITY of you perhaps wanting more or him no longer being single (or he already has a GF..) There can be a million reasons why that has NOTHING to do with you.
Sometimes people like the IDEA of talking to new people, they get caught up in the "newness" and the fun UNTIL reality sets in.
It's ONLY been a month of chatting, you will get over it. Just don't WASTE any more time on him. There is no point.
Don't let this ONE guy put you off looking for someone to date. HE isn't a representative of ALL guys.
In a way it's better that he told you BEFORE you got to meet him and get TOO emotionally invested.
Next time you meet a guy or start talking try and not have your expectations up to MAX setting. Dating is a period to GET to know someone and see if they are a good fit, if they are looking for the same things, have the same values and ideas. This guy wasn't it. It happens.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 August 2019):
 Trying to second guess what was going on in someone's head and/or why they made certain decisions is just that: a guessing game. If YOU don't know why this guy suddenly changed his mind, then we, who have never even spoken with him and don't know anything about either of you, certainly won't. There could have been any one or more of hundreds of reasons for his change of heart. Only HE knows why he did what he did. For me, chatting so regularly for a whole month without actually meeting would have rung alarm bells.
You need to let this one go and move on. It's not like you had a lot invested in this "relationship". You chatted for a month. You hadn't even met. He's changed his mind. It happens all the time. Either party can change their mind at any time. It's what dating is all about.
I would suggest, going forward, that you don't invest emotionally so quickly, at least until you have actually met and had a few real dates.
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