A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am on this site where I post my poems and stories on. Back during the last week in October of 2016 I started talking to this guy through PM's. After a few weeks talking he confess to liking me. That was fine, I told him I didn't feel the same and I'd hope we still talk and be friends. He said he understood and we continued talking normally.Fast forward to months later when we had gotten to know each other a little better, I confess to him that I like him (this was back in January when I did finally told him) and he said he was in love with me and that he had hoped I would eventually come to my senses. Now i'm no fool I never online dated him because I knew it would not work, plus seeing has how he lied about his single status for months (long story about that one) I couldn't trust him enough that he would remain faithful if we did try the online dating thing. So I told him that we should meet up first and see if we click and go from there if we did get along. He agreed despite asking me once a week to be his girlfriend.Anyways that was a little back story, now here comes what i'm really trying to ask.Friday we were talking as usually and all of a sudden he stopped talking, which by the way was weird because he never does this. Rather than messaging him right away to see if anything was wrong I waited. An hour went by and nothing. Something was on TV that I wanted to watch so I left and thought maybe he got busy with something and he'll message me when I was gone. I come back online 2 hours later and NOTHING. I waited for another 2-3 hours and NOTHING. I was getting tired so I finally sent him a message saying that I was tired and I was going to bed and I would speak to him tomorrow if he wasn't busy.The next day came and I check to see if he sent a message and guess what? He deleted his account!!!! Now he did this a few weeks back but the next day he undid the delete, so I wasn't too worried and decided to wait until Sunday to see if he would come back or create a new account to message me.Well its been almost 4 days now and there is still nothing. I know he is gone so my question is how do I get over this because there is no closure. He did not give anything away that he was going to delete his account.How do I get over this? I left out a few details because I didn't think they were important. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 He didn't love you, you where a pen pal and probably one off many. It is something he done to pass the time. My guess is he has another girlfriend or started seeing someone else. Believe me he did not leave his girlfriend for you, why would he, you chat on line but you have never even met this guy. I am not sure why you need closure, yes it is sad that a penpal relationship has ended but move on to someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2017): I'd be interested to know what these 'details ' you left out are that you mention at the end of your post... this sounds like you've emotionally attached yourself, which is inappropriate to the situation,You haven't met... no real plan as to how that even would have happened, and I am to take you you haven't even spoken to him? Haven't heard his voice even? Oh OP! This is a nonsense!What else are you doing in your life? Where do you go out socially? What's your social life like? At your age, sitting at home on line for likely hours every night? With some god only knows who guy who is flirting and more with some woman he's never met, with his girlfriend watching over his shoulder and him having to delete his account and make promises... how do you move on? this situation is so ludicrous you simply see it for what it is and run like the devil himself is chasing you! Seriously have a look at it! Then you go out and get a real life
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 Something to make it easier for you to move on...
He dropped his "real life GF" for a woman he had only talked to online? How long do you think it would have been before he would have dumped YOU for someone else?
I think he SERIOUSLY is playing games.
As for not having money to go see him, well THAT I get but isn't that also a thing to consider as an item in the "maybe this won't work column" ?
You are in your late 20's is an LDR with a guy who CHEATED on his GF to pursue you (who in all aspects was a total stranger) who also lives SO far away that you can't afford seeing each other on a regular basis? Someone who will and DID say just about ANYTHING to keep you around. Someone you SURELY can't and couldn't trust....
Just accept that it was an online fantasy fling and MOVE on.
If you WANT a BF look for one in your OWN geographical area. Someone you can GET to know in person.
COMMON sense, OP - take twice daily.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo WiseOwlE, read my last reply.
I have never been the L-word junky and I already have trust issues so I was skeptic when he started saying he loved me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2017): Romeo probably has a wife or girlfriend and got caught.
Please don't be an L-word-junky like so many naive women. All some guy has to say is he "loves" them, and they are putty in his hands. Love has to be proven over time; and you have to attach your feelings to a real person, not your idea of a person.
Women addicted to the L-word often get their hearts broken; because they ignore their common-sense and let their feelings go wild. You have to learn emotional-restraint and control over your feelings; or scum-bags will damage you so badly that you develop trust-issues that keep you from enjoying healthy relationships with good men.
You've never met him, he's nothing but words, he's weird, and he used the word "love" to cloud your judgement and get you all worked-up over possibilities that will never materialize. The word "love" is intoxicating and sometimes paralyzing; but you have to be careful of over-romanticizing and idealizing the concept. He found your weakness!
You have to handle adult-situations like an adult, and keep the little-girl inside from grabbing the wheel. She will run you over a cliff; because she doesn't know how to drive! She tends to be desperate and clueless; but she's too willing to takeover. Send her to her room!
He's nothing but a troll who played and preyed on your feelings. These online-Romeos get their kicks manipulating lonely women; and get their narcissistic-supply knowing you're out there somewhere confused and hurt. He may even be stealing your ideas and stories! Maybe he needed to tap into your creative-flow, and absconded with some of your fresh material. Beware!
Get over him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo chigirl, he did get busted by his real life girlfriend back in January but instead of staying with her, he left her for me. The only reason why I knew he left her was because the next day after he left she messaged me and started cussing me out saying that he left her and she was wishing all kinds of karma on me. Well looks like karma did come back to bite me in the ass.To Honeypie, he had asked to meet up in July but I was still a bit scared to do so, plus I don't earn enough money to just start saving for a trip. He deleted his account and I don't have him on any other social media due to his ex girlfriend contacting me once in a while to cuss me out so I was scared of adding him anywhere else in case she started harassing me through other social media.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2017):
You two still haven't met in person, right?
I think Chigirl COULD be right, that the GFR found out and he deleted his account to cover his tracks.
IF he has a partner or HAD a partner while declaring his "undying love for you" you should have seen that as a HUGE red flag, so I have to ask WHY did YOU keep talking to him?
And him declaring he LOVES you... after NEVER having met and ONLY a few months of chatting? It IS another red flag. It means he lives in fantasy land. That he uses the word love to keep you interested and well, it worked...
BLOCK him and let it go.
This guy is a TIME waster. HE likes attention from women online, it's like fantasy role play game for him. He isn't SERIOUS about you. If so, he would have tried to meet you sooner.
Like always TALK is cheap. Saying he LOVES you, wants you to be his GF... blah blah blah.
You both got caught up in the fantasy. He might have been caught with his hand in the cookie jar by his partner or he has backed away to create DRAMA. To make YOU feel insecure and to worry about him.
The fact that he has deleted his profile before just shows what kind of guy he is. Let's say he got caught once, promised SOMEONE else to delete it and NEVER talk to you again... When really HE should have TOLD:" you hey, I can't STRING you along and my partner." Instead, he deleted it till he thought the storm had blown over and then resumed his little game with you.
What closure do you need? The guy USED you as a prop in his own little RPG. JUST block the dude and next time you are considering dating, MET the guy before you invest emotionally so heavily.
Be thankfully he ONLY wasted 6 months of your time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 You said he lied about being single. So my guess? He got busted by dearest girlfriend and forced to end conversation (because flirting with you and asking you to be his gf is cheating), and to delete his account unless he wants to get dumped. And he chose real life girlfriend over online plaything.
Closure? You can't always expect things to turn out the way you want or get what you want or have people treat you decently just because you want. It's life. You will get over it. Remind yourself of how little a "closure" matters in the big scheme of things. You already know everything you need to know about this man, that he is a liar and that he obviously does not care that deeply for you (after all, if he did care genuinely, he would not lie to you or ask you to be his gf every week, or just vanish like he just did).
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