A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 2 years and I don't really feel like a part of his family. He isn't an only child and his parents work pretty much full time to support quite a large family, which I fully understand. Whenever I have spoken (briefly) with his parents they have been very nice but it's always him coming to my house and never the other way around. As well as that he has a younger sister who is two years younger than me, who has publically said she doesn't like me. She was telling people who she wasn't aware I was friends with how fake I act on social media and how whenever she see's any of my social media she just rolls her eyes. Now, his sister works with me and she is very close with other members of staff and these staff members are always singing her praises and asking me if we're close and it's kinda embarrassing when I have to say that we have never really met or spoken much. She knows, I think that I know about her slating me to other people and tried to tell my boyfriend (her brother) that I was being nasty about her, which is never the case as I have never really had a conversation with herAlthough I am older and should be more mature than her, there is only so far my efforts can go and if we were to become 'friends' then it's a two-way thing and I cannot do this alone. Just want some advice on what to do! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 April 2017):
 My first thought was, why do you actually WANT to be friends with this girl. You are dating her brother, not her.
If you come from a close family, I can fully understand you feeling left out of his family, but all families operate in different ways and maybe they are just not the type of family to spend so much time together socially. As you say, they are a large family and the parents work a lot.
If the sister is running you down to others because of what you put on social media, perhaps you need to tone down what you put on there? Is your timeline just full of selfies and pictures of you? Not saying you can't put what you want on there but you have to realize some people might see it as fake (like his sister, which obviously bothers you) and criticise you for it. You could always block her but I find that is very difficult to do effectively as they can simply set up a new profile and you will not even know about it, or mutual friends, if you share any, can pass on information. Perhaps now is the time to show your maturity and use your social media profiles in a more adult way?
As for people asking you whether you are close, just shrug it off lightly and say you don't move in the same social circles or something equally neutral. Don't be led into criticizing her back. That way YOU will look like the more mature person.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (11 April 2017):
 You should look up the Benjamin Franklin effect.
In his autobiography, Franklin explains how he dealt with the animosity of a rival legislator when he served in the Pennsylvania legislature in the 18th century:
"Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return'd it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death."
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