| A
female
,
*rown_iz08
writes: OK I feel like I was never meant to be with a guy, and it will ALWAYS be that way.Well, I'm not going to go through all the problems I've had with guys, but over the summer I was kind of experimenting with meeting guys online and virtually chatting w/ them. Since I can't EVER seem to get with a guy when I'm actually face-to-face with them, I thought this might be a bit easier for me. Granted, I DID know the dangers and all that, but I wouldn't give out any personal info to them.While I was getting into the whole thing, I did have some negative experiences with them, particularly one, but then I met this guy named Andy who was from Great Britian. He was 24, 7yrs older than me, but he was the first guy I REALLY felt I cld talk to and I knew he wouldn't harrass me or put too much pressure on me. Plus, he made me feel SOO good and I absolutely LOVED getting messsages from him, and he said the same thing to me.But now all of a sudden, he's COMPLETELY ignoring me! The last time I 'talked' with him, he said he was going on a w/e getaway w/ his friends and he apoligized if he couldn't get to a computer while there. Well, he WAS able to get to a computer and did mail me, but that was IT. All of a sudden he just stopped. I mailed him like 3 times but he just seems to be ignoring all of them.Well the last day he mailed me was the 26th and now it's Sep 1 so it's been almost a week now. He just didn't seem to be that type of guy and I KNOW I barely know who he is so why would I say that, but I was rly falling for him and now I feel so heartbroken. I just keep thinking about what I did wrong but I can't rly think of anything. Anyone else been in a similar situation? thnx.
View related questions:
heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): he's just not into you
A
female
reader, brown_iz08 +, writes (4 September 2006):
brown_iz08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey guys!! I wanted to thank u guys soo much for ur kindness and support.Well, I ended up writing ANOTHER message to him very early this morning but this time I told him how I felt and why he wasn't writing me back. It turns out that he had broken his rib from his last surfing trip so OBVIOUSLY he wasn't exactly able to use the computer all that much, let alone write a message! I felt soo bad cos I was jumping to all these conclusions and I sounded like a TOTAL psycho serial stalker-killer chick or something, but he was very kind to me despite that=) Needless to say I'm in a much better mood now that I actually KNOW what's been going on, which is all I wanted, but ALSO cos he still wants to continue our relationship!Thank u all so much again!
...............................
A
male
reader, gladyz +, writes (3 September 2006):
my dear, i think its better for you to let it go' if he dont write to you anymore of course its hurt but how long you want to supper on that? so if i were you thought its hurt just try to start move on now' if he really care about you he will write again to you and that' is the time for you to decide of it... good luck.. XXX
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (2 September 2006):
 If he is 24...that makes you about 17 and you have written off the world of men already! The reason that you have had a bad time with boys/ men in the past is because at your age it is a 'rite of passage' to meet lots of horrible people, as well as some nice people in between. I could write a book on my dating disasters at your age and beyond
From an increasingly aged 30-something point of view, I know that I only appreciated my husband because of some of the frogs I kissed as a teenager/ 20-something. So don't give up on men, just learn by your mistakes and keep an open mind about the possibility that there is someone out there to treat you very well indeed.
Anyway, back to internet guy...the net is full of married men, players, scammers, very odd people and the occasional nice person lacking in self confidence to meet a partner another way. The problem with internet relationships is that you can be lured into a false sense of security that you 'know' someone just through your online correspondence. Of course what you know about them is what they want to tell you and you don't get to see the bad side of them until you know them in real life. You also miss out on that fundamental 'first impression' that you get when you meet them in the person in a club, party etc. First impressions can sometimes be misleading but you know whether there is an attraction or not which is a first step towards learning more about them afterwards. It is all in reverse in internet dating - you chat with them but don't know if you fancy them until you see them in person. I know people say looks don't matter but they do! I am not saying it all boils down to being beautiful on the outside but there are usually physical features that attract certain people to each other. As for your internet guy, well you were just corresponding and there was no formal dating relationship. He could have been chatting to a dozen ladies and the internet can be addictive to some men. He may have met someone offline. His computer may have broken down. Whatever the situation, it is not important really! What is important is that you focus on yourself and the reasons why you feel 'heart broken' by a man you haven't even met in real life yet. It sounds to me like you are a young lady who is very lonely and looking for someone to fix that gap in your life at the moment. Everyone gets lonely and that is nothing to ashamed of. However, lonely people can rationalise bad situations into potentially good situations if they think it will satisfy their need for company. Internet dating is not necessarily a 'bad situation' to be in, but it requires you to hold in the reigns on those emotions. Lots of people on this website have posted about their bad experiences of internet dating. I don't think you can hold your hope on one man you haven't even met yet (whatever his reasons for not contacting you). Learn by your mistake of focusing all your attention on this guy to the virtual exclusion of other social opportunities to meet people. Otherwise further disappointments will happen in the sleazy world of internet dating. I really hope you remain optimistic about your chances of meeting someone in the future. It all boils down to self esteem and liking yourself at the end of the day - feel confident that you are such a nice person that sooner or later someone will come along who appreciates you for just that. Don't settle for a random internet guy who doesn't answer your communications - he is not worthy!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (2 September 2006):
 Well I think that the first thing to say is that it is impossible for us to second-guess what is going on with this guy from here. You see the thing is that it could be as mundane as him having had his internet cut off or, granted, it could be something else.
I think the first thing that you need to do here is stop torturing yourself over 'what you did wrong'. It doesnt sound, from what you wrote here, that you did anything wrong. More likely that something has changed about him and how he feels and that most likely is completely unconnected to you or anything you did.
I think the thing with falling for people online is that you fall for the person but also your preception of how the person is. Its really hard to see every facet of somebodies personality online.
Are there any clues as to why he would stop in his last email? Did he make a promise to contact you again?? These are the only places you can look as for clues as to what is going on, also bear in mind that a week is a longer time sitting waiting for a message than it is if you are occupied with things, dont give up hope but try and detach yourself a little. Take care.
...............................
|
