A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is a stupid online fling what i had a good reason for my guy of 3 years to walk out on me and our 2 kids? I never even went meeting the guy. The worst i did was a bit of naughty chat. Would you agony aunts think he was looking for an excuse to bail out? You dont walk out over something so stupid. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Its difficult to stay with someone who betrays and doesnt mind hurting. His life would be made up of constantly checking up on you and not believing what you say. Your relationship would become toxic. Thats what becomes of cheating. If you had respect for him it wouldnt have happened.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 January 2012):
 You cheated. You most certainly do walk out when someone cheats…
FOR ME the emotional cheating is worse than the physical cheating.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 January 2012):
 He who is unfaithful in little will be unfaithful in much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): I would not contact him. Judging from the way you see it, it would make matters a lot worse.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (20 January 2012):
 Unfortunately, to some people, cheating is cheating no matter how it happens and an online fling, no matter how silly it seems to you, could be extremely hurtful to a spouse and signifies all sorts of problems with the relationship. Emotional cheating is heart crushing and he most likely feels that he cannot trust you on any level at all after this and as such, had to leave. All is not lost though, with some councelling and guidance, you may be able to work though it. You need to give him space and time now though, as and when he needs it, and leave the ball in his hands. It will come down to how he feels about the situation in the end.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Stupid thing done, but very, very, very hurtful and damaging to the self esteem of the individual who it was done to.
The trust is gone, the things people struggle to attain and maintain in relationships is destroyed.
Can it be rebuilt? Yes, but YOU have to work very hard at it, and he has to be willing to engage in it, and he has to have the capacity to trust again.
Professional counseling help is in order, and it is damn hard to find a good counselor that meets both of the partners needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): I agree with the other replies but want to add....he will also be feeling rejected and wondering why you felt the need to do this in the first place and what you got from it and as a bloke his ego will be severely dented too. I think you need to look at why you got drawn into doing what you did. Maybe after 3years you've got into a 'dull' routine esp if you have kids...it happens. maybe thats why you went after a bit of 'excitement'but thats still doesnt make it right just cos you didnt meet the bloke.you seem very defensive saying you didnt meet...not saying 'how can i get him back'. the worst thing id the trust will have gone,put yourself in his shoes.hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): why dont you grow up and accept you messed up? you show just how your not sorry and even try to blame him. how do you think you could ever work things out with your outlook on it all? you betrayed him for gods sake.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (19 January 2012):
Absolutely, that's more than enough reason to leave. My ex-wife cheated on me, and I spent years in a miserable marriage trying to work it out. The lesson I learned through it all is that once trust is broken the relationship is difficult, if not impossible, to salvage.
So, I have a zero tolerance policy. If I caught my girlfriend in an online fling I'd be GONE instantly. No second chances, no weak apologies. I wouldn't think twice, I would be out the door!
I'm sorry, but you should have thought about the consequences of your actions prior to starting the online fling. Something like that is cheating, and it is far from harmless. You say your husband is wrong to walk out for something that stupid, but I ask you - was it worth risking what you had for something that stupid? I think you know the answer.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (19 January 2012):
What was you expecting? A pat on the back? It may sound weird to you, but you are wrong, not him.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (19 January 2012):
To him (and probably everyone else), you betrayed him. He wont trust you now. You seem unwilling to accept you did anything wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): From his point of view, you have betrayed his trust and in his mind he won't know if he can believe you never met this guy. Everyone is different but if I were in his situation I think I too would have gone for that reason, because hiding "naughty chat" could mean you were hiding other stuff.
I don't agree that he was looking for an excuse to go. If you love him and want him back you will have to take time to earn his trust again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): smart people don't think it's stupid. it is indicative of a larger cheating issue. I would wonder if the kids were even mine...
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