A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have the most bizzar issue in the world of dating and I am certian that I am the only heterosexual male who has encountered this. I've been very successful but I was alway thought of in a negative light by my family so I have never really seen myself as the desirable guy that I hopefully am. I have had at least 10 incidents in my life when someone of the opposite sex has shown some interest in me but I brushed them off because either I thought '' Shut up! You're being arrogent thinking that she likes you, why would a girl/woman ever like me!?'' '' Don't get close to her! You'll just use and hurt her like most guys!''. I've had these two thoughts so much that I have thrown away 10 possible opportunities in my life time and just not the opportunities that's bothering me. Most of these girls/women were really hurt and offended when I didn't accept their advances and I feel awful about this. I pushed them away so I wouldn't hurt them but I did anyways trying to aviod phycollogicaly scaring them if they truely were advances. The most blunt ones were "Hey do you like cars? I like cars. There's a car show in town. Hey mabey we could meet or go there together!'' ''Is it okay if I came to your table? I guss I'm alone,.. your alone.... and the food at this place is too good to be eaten alone.'' Girl's friend back in high school: ''Hey she wants you to ask her out to the banquet!" Girl: ''It's okay, you don't have to if you don't want to.'' Are these truly advances as I was seeing them or is this being arrogent of me? Other times I can take my pride too far and think that friendly gestures such as coplementing my characteristics or just getting physical close to me as signs of interest. I constantly believe that it is wrong for me to ''get the girl'' or "I'm not some alpha male!" why would they want me! I'm somewhat attractive andI have many skills and achievents under my belt. I'm an Eagle Scout, A star soccer player, a good guitarist, Have a Bachlers Degree and a 4.00 College GPA, speak two languages, and seve as a volunteer Paramedic on the EMT squad. I'm no Brad Pitt but I might look somewhat decent and agian I might not. I have medium toned Hazel eyes, a thin but formed nose, a slightly flat fore head, thin cheeks, '' chizzeld chin'' broad shoulders, I can only bench press about 235lbs, have a six pack and some leg muscle but that's just about it when it comes to my appearance other than that I'm a short guy (5' 8''). Am I insane to believe that I could be successful with women, even at an extrermely old age to be inexperience, let's say 20 something? I've never considered myself to be prime select, just a below average C List guy but getting attention makes me wonder?
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female
reader, Aunty Anne  +, writes (20 January 2012):
Im picking up on your comment early on about your family thinking of you in a 'negative light'.did this mean they put you down? didnt think you'd make anything of yourself? i think this has alot to do with how you feel aboutyourself and women. maybe its been easier for you to not even start a relationship incase it didnt work out and then you'd avoid humiliation from your family?. maybe that accounts for why you've pushed yourself to do so well accademicly etc to try to get 'praise' from your family?. you go to great lengths to describe yourself in detail as if you are insecure and need reassurance in this area when i think in reality you dont. you wont start a relationship in case it doesnt work out ...but that is not failing! it is normal to go out with someone and then further down the line to find you are not 'right' for each other. that is what relationships and life is all about. one day the' right'one will come along. but you have to make a start! i think you need to address the comment about your family first.good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): I think you will be just fine if you relax, and chat to girls and get to know them, be friendly, and show an interest in them by asking questions. Let things naturally develop, and you never know, you might find a relationship that lasts for a few weeks, a few months, or even the girl you marry. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people in relationships and start saying, 'why does he have a girlfriend when he's not as smart/attractive/funny as me' but the truth is most of the time it is just luck, people happen to find each other at the right place, and the right time, and they end up getting along well. If you genuinely feel like you have a lot to offer, then you probably do, so get out there in the world and don't be discouraged.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): The other ladies are spot on! You need to stop rating girls on appearance, and stop feeling that every girl is out of you league.... otherwise you will live a lonely life.
Instead rate girls on their personality. You seem like a guy most girls would want to date. You don't have to be a player, did you ever stop to think maybe these girls want to date you simply because you are NOT arrogant?!
If you like a girl and your gut feeling is saying she likes you, go with it! Stop over analysing! Allow yourself to get close to one of these girls that shows interest and pursue them.
Life is definitely too short to sit on the fence and question why they are interested in you. Just remember everybody in datable to somebody...
By the way 5'8" is not short!
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (19 January 2012):
 What is this A list, C list, nonsense? All girls aren't 'A list', are they? There is a whole range of people out there. You just need to calm down, and just be genuine and approachable, and frankly you need to take up one of these women who seem interested in you.
And 5 foot 8 isn't short - it is perfectly fine. You are taller than 90% of girls. Pick one of those!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 You need to stop doubting yourself and start trusting that voice deep inside you that is telling you that yes these girls are interested, and you know that they are and yes I am sure you are a very interesting person and someone would be lucky to have you as much as you would be them. It is okay to be inexperienced in your twenties, some woman actually would be flattered about this as they know at least you are not a player that will just use them for sex. So you need to start putting yourself out there, accepting these offers but not only that, have faith in yourself that if you are wanting a woman then you won't hurt her unless you want to hurt her. So if there is someone you like then ask them out, life is to short to be worrying about things just take the moment and grab it while you can before another opportunity passes you by and you end up on your own because of self belief.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 hey pal, any prior relationship issues? or even friendships that have shaken your confidence? You sound like the set man. Give women a chance as they clearly sound like they are interested in you. And if your personality is what you feel you struggle with, use your body to attract women as that is what you seem to have confidence with. Talk to women what you feel strong with, your grades, your achievements. Just dont brag and be arrogant, be confident. Theres a fine line.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): Hey there -
.. maybe you have already realised, as you wrote this, that YES, women are interested in you! And that you have many nice qualities that you should be proud of.
You have low self-esteem, and I'm very sure you're not the only guy out there with this problem, but clearly it doesn't come from being rejected by girls, but it comes from somewhere else - your family I guess?
Being a disappointment to your family is hard. It doesn't make you a disappointment to the rest of the world, though. And being inexperienced with 20plus, it happens, been there myself, doesn't matter so much, maybe you just want to start catching up? It's not too late, really. I know guys who had their first girlfriend with 25,26 and they're happy now. Maybe you want to read some self help books about how to approach girls etc.? I learned one thing or two from books that helped me. But they were for girls and in german, so you have to find something else that works for you :)
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