A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently on-line dating. A guy has expressed an interest in me, however he specifies that he doesn't want children, whereas I do. Is it worth me even bothering to date him? I don't know if I will have kids anyway, due to having ME. I'm not sure how to play this.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 If having children is non-negotiable for you then there's no point in pursuing him.
Don't even try going in this thinking he'll change his mind. At your age the fertility clock is ticking and you don't have time to waste.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): No you should not pursue this any further. you'll just be wasting your time and be in for a lot of disappointment further down the road which will be compounded by having "invested" yourself into the situation already only to find out then what you already are being told now.
there's no way to compromise on the issue of having kids or not. Either you do, or you don't. there's no in between. (And if you really want kids you can have kids through adoption.) It's not like compromising where to go on vacation - this year we go where you want, next year we go where I want. With the issue of kids, if one of you wants them and the other doesn't then past a certain number of years the relationship can only continue if one of you will "win" and the other will "lose." The closest that most couples come to a compromise on this is "OK we will not have children for X number of years so you're getting what you want. After that, then we will have kids so then I can get what I want." But this actually means in the end that the person who wanted kids got what they want. The partner who didn't want kids, probably still doesn't want them even after his partner has decided it's time for her to get what she wants. And now by having kids, the rest of his life is going to be changed.
Right now he's making it plain that he doesn't want kids so you should honor his honesty and assume that is final for him. Now it is up to you to change your mind and be OK with not ever having kids. if you don't think you can change your mind then you shouldn't even pursue this relationship unless it is for the express purpose of seeing if you will ever change your mind.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (19 January 2012):
You two aren't compatible honey. Kids aren't something you can negotiate, either you love them and you want them or you don't. And if this guy you're interested in is around your age then I doubt he'd change his mind. And if u do succeed at changing his mind, what if after that he resents you and the child for it. This is a no go relationship, bc one of u will have to compromise something very serious that's life changing. Kids are not like car purchases that one of u didn't want. Maybe have another talk with this guy and if is set on not having kids then maybe u can change your mind about having any. But if neither of u compromise then its best to look elsewhere for a more compatible mate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): Your question states your age to be in the over 35 group. If you are serious about wanting kids it is time to get serious about your love life and not waste time on men who don't want kids. Don't you think?
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