A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllRecently I decided to take the plunge into the scary world of online dating. I didn't know what I would find or if it would work for me (at present, it hasnt - mainly old men, people who are uneducated and those looking for a 'good time').BUT I have a question for the men out there.There is one guy who I like the look of, in all but one small point. On his profile he says he does not want children. Do men tick this box because they really dont want kids, or is it that they are scared and dont want to make a commitment either way?I am a family person, and kids are a big part of my ideal family set up, so this would be a big issue.What im trying to say is that do men NOT want kids at 30, but when they have grown up and are in a stable relationship, change their minds?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 November 2015):
 I get it OP. And I do think you can meet a decent one online. But it might take a LOT more "wading" through a lot of not serious guys and guys who aren't a good match.
Honestly, I can imagine just how frustrating dating online is. People find it MUCH easier to lie online or omit things till later on, once they have someone "hooked".
Are you on a free dating site or are you paying for the service?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2015): I have no intention of wanting to change any man. It was just a simple question about intentions - not being a man, I don't know how they think. I have not yet contacted this man, although he has shown interest in me. To be honest, I feel a failure even having to venture into online dating, I feel like I am scraping the barrel slightly. But beggars cannot be choosers, and there have been no other options for over 4 years. Honeypie, if it was just as easy as finding a another man I wouldnt even be looking online.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 November 2015):
 Never assume a guy will change his mind, especially at age 30. Find a guy who values having a family of his own. They are out there! It's not true that guys check that off just because they are afraid of commitment.
Will a guy who says he doesn't want kids change his mind ever? Of course some will! But never assume that. Ever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2015): I am married to a man who has never wanted and does not want kids. Before me, he had a few longer relationships which he broke off. As he was younger at the time not wanting kids was not a direct reason, but it did play the part in making that decision, since his girlfriends wanted to have kids eventually.
We are compatible as I do not wish to have kids either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2015): You take people at face-value if they say they don't want kids. I wouldn't gamble on probability when it comes to children. They should be loved, cherished, and protected.
First and foremost, wanted.
Why would anyone in their right mind who wants kids, take a chance on forming a committed relationship with someone who says they don't want children right off the bat?
No one has the right to try and persuade people who feel they don't want them; nor the right to shame them for it. You make all the argument like in favor, and you can judge them any harsh way you like. I think it's worse having them; and not giving them a safe, loving, stable, and happy life! Dealing with two miserable biological parents, who merely donated an egg and a sperm.
With pressure, sure...they may give in. Then change their minds, and you're left holding the bag! A single mother, who tried to push a kid on a man who doesn't want to be a father.
I think a person knows pretty much what they want and don't want by the time they turn 30. Judging men or women harshly who don't want children is unfair. Everyone who wants children aren't cutout to be parents. Some are just breeders. Able to make babies, but have no clue how to be a parent. It's unbelievable how disjointed and estranged families are nowadays. It's painful to watch.
People make children all over the place, and raise them in broken and dysfunctional homes. That's worse than not wanting them. I personally love children, wouldn't mind having children, but I don't have any. I have the option to adopt, or to make a baby whenever I'd wish to. So I can go back and forth on it. Depending on my mood and circumstances. Some have had very awful experiences that left bad impressions about having kids, mainly because of horrible parents. Unruly spoiled disrespectful brats; or sad insecure abused timid little creatures, starved for love and attention. It's not even their faults!
If a guy says he doesn't want kids, accept it; and go find a guy who says he would love to have them. Why bother even considering someone who says they don't, when you have the option to find someone on the same page?
Just because he says he wants to have children, doesn't mean he can be a father. Look at all those single-mothers out there. Many thought they could change his mind about having kids. Many were even married when they had them!
Still left raising a brood all by themselves.
Don't try to persuade any man to do otherwise. Respect them for being upfront and honest about it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 November 2015):
 I'm not a man but I have a 29 year old son. He does NOT want children and will not date a woman that has them. He says he just isn't interested in having kids. He thinks they are cute as long as they belong to someone else!
If a man says he doesn't want kids at the age of 30, believe him. Its unlikely that he will change his mind. I won't say it couldn't happen but like HoneyPie says, most of them have made up their mind and are pretty certain about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2015):
I don't think they will change their minds. I think most people after 30 have a pretty good idea whether they want the responsibility of children or not.
It may also be down to the fact that they don't WANT to date single moms as well and not want children themselves.
And I think checking that box works to YOUR advantage too. Because you can SKIP these guy, like you can skip the ones who aren't looking for something serious.
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