A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I am not sure if any of you have had the experience of online dating? I have recently signed up on OkCupid, and it seems to be a very polite and good site - people there are not particularly sketchy, and are fairly friendly. I have been asked to coffee from a few guys (haven't actually gone out with any yet). Whenever I get asked, I am pretty excited and happy. But once they actually ask you, I get scared. As much as I like the site (and the online interaction with these guys), I am very very scared of actually meeting them - it still feels sketchy to me. I am wondering if anyone has met up with people from online dating and actually worked out? I have recently came out of a break up, and I am looking for ways to meet some nice guys. Unfortunately I am not interested in anyone in the real life, so I thought I will give online dating a try.So, any advice and feedbacks of OkCupid (or any other sites) will help a lot.Thanks!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 it's a good jumping in point
a couple of ideas:
1. meet in a public place for coffee
2. make sure someone knows where you are going when you are going and that you will check in after the "date"
3. make sure the guy you are meeting knows that someone knows...
4. do not go anywhere with them or get into their car, if you like him... meet him again some other time for dinner and see how that goes.
it's not a bad way to meet folks... it's the personal ads online... personal ads have been around for years and years and years....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): I think it is good that you are wary. I have never done online dating but the advice I would always give is the obvious, always tell someone exactly the time and place you are meeting a guy and get them to ring you about 30-45mins into the meeting. If things aren't going great you can use the call as an excuse and if they are your friend knows you are safe and the date is going well. At least if you know a friend is aware you are with someone you may feel safer and less anxious about meeting a guy. I hope all goes well for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ladies for the inputs.
I would say that I am emotional ready to date again, except I simply do know anyone in real life that I am interested in. People have said good things and bad things about these sites, and as a cautious person, I can be hesitant at times.
Sometimes you are chatting with a nice guy that's too good to be true, you do get suspicious. Also, what if you go on a date, then you get rejected by the guys. That would be a very ego-unfriendly thing.
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A
female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 Online dating is a great place to find guys or gals who aren't interested in the bar scene anymore or were never in it to begin with. In my experience, it was very easy for me to figure out who the creepers were...you can usually tell by poor grammar in their profile, bad pictures, and horrible one line emails. I never responded to those guys. But you can find a lot of really decent educated guys on those sites.
I went out on quite a few dates with guys I met online. You have to think of it this way...you're signed up, and if you're normal, why would you automatically suspect all the others on there creepers? I went out with a nuclear engineer, a fireman, a law student...all normal guys, all there for the same reason I was. They wanted to get to know someone through a different means than the bar, or horrible blind dates. I had a good time flirting and going out, and a couple I went on repeat dates with.
Some people really bash online dating, because it CAN have creepy people and sometimes it's hard to judge, and also it kind of takes away the magic of that fairytale meeting everyone has idealized by meeting their soul mate at a volunteer rally or in college or by running into each other repeatedly. This is a technological time, it makes sense to meet people through the internet because that's where a lot of people are nowadays. Would you judge someone who was matched by their mother, or a friend? It's the same idea...you're not doing the work, someone else is.
Frankly I'm just too busy, and I'm shy at first. So online dating makes it very easy to get to know someone beforehand and a lot of awkwardness is taken away during that first date. The guy I'm with now I met online, craigslist of all places, and we get along wonderfully. He's a great guy, no weird hang ups, totally normal person. His reason for online dating was he simply doesn't have the time to actually go out and find someone...he works 12 hour shifts during the night, and he has a son in his custody so his time was pretty limited. I got very lucky finding him, and I'm extremely happy with him. If I never would have used online dating, there would be no possible way for us to meet...we live 30 miles apart and we don't hang out at the same places. If I would have never gone looking, I would have never come across him, and I can't imagine him not being in my life. We get along so well and we have the same values, goals, desires in life, etc...all that stuff we got to talk about before meeting face to face and we were able to judge the other and not waste time on each other.
I say give it a chance, see what happens. Yes, ALWAYS meet for the first time in a well lit area, stay in public places for the first few dates. If he's a good person, he will respect your decision to keep it safe at first. Always tell someone where you are, and give them his phone number and address, and any other information you have on him, like his car, license plate, etc. Have your friends text you every hour while you're out and check in with them. NEVER assume that someone is safe just because you got a good vibe from them and go to their house the first time, or meet somewhere with no other people around. Don't ever do that. The jerks and idiots are the ones who want you to come straight to their house, or come to your house for the first meeting.
Online dating can be fun and there are lots of great potential dates out there. Just be safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): "Unfortunately I am not interested in anyone in the real life, so I thought I will give online dating a try"...
People behind the computer on the other end from you are people in real life too and some of them do want to meet real people.
It seems you are using online dating to meet and flirt with men from a safe distance. That distance is the down side of all dating sites, OkCupid and others. People can be far more charming online than they are in real life or they say things they would never say to your face. If you are using online dating to flirt, but you're averse to meeting anyone then maybe you're just not ready to date yet.
I tried OKC and I did meet a good guy and we dated for a while...but I ended up moving cities for work shortly after. I tried it for a while in my new city, but burned out and gave it up. And, I've also done exactly what you're doing now which is using online dating to entertain the idea of dating without actually doing it. It got old pretty fast.
Give yourself some time before you put yourself out there again. OKC does have a disable option that allows you to disengage your profile for as long as you like.
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